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Turning 23 on 23rd June.

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Pada aku cantik numbering tahun ni. 23 on 23rd.

Sekali je seumur hidup.

Aku tak tau nak blog apa. Dah jarang sangat blog. Selalu duk layan termenung je sampai tak terblog dah. Sampai lupa aku ada blog rupanya and once active here, long time ago lah... haha!

Anyway,

aku rasa umur 23 tu mmg betul2 raw nak masuk adulthood.

Dgn degree yg nak bakal habis mid July ni, aku akan masuk alam pekerjaan dan struggle menjadi hamba sistem. Gitu.

Hello kerja pun belum tentu dapat terus. Semoga rezeki aku tak putus lepasni.

Last year, turning 22 taught me :

1. to always double check stuffs.
2. to never trust that someone is reliable enough to handle things for you hahahaha
3. remember that things are constantly changing, so dont get fixated so easily
4. believe in the power of doa and staying true to yr effort
5. give a few seconds for yrself to pause then react to a problem

Being 22 last year was the best.
I went to Beijing, Istanbul, Bursa, Mekkah and Madinah all in one year.
SubhanAllah.

Yeah, I …

Those who silently still care.

I read a post on FB saying that there will always be  one person who will really secretly care about you, then I shared the post and said "thank you if you are still there"

Idk to whom did I dedicate that post to.

But if there is a person, someone or a bunch of people who care about me silently, not letting me know, I just wanna say thank you so much..

I may not know y'all but Allah is watching your sweet gesture from above. I hope He will bless y'all with abundance of joy and ease in the world and hereafter.

Plus, to whoever that still check this blog just to know what am I up to (in a good way lah, duh), may Allah bless y'all too for your concern though not constantly, I cant repay it, but I hope Allah will.

I may overlooked these people, but I hope Allah wont.

Aku punya.

Just now Ayah told me when I was 3, we visited his friend then I decided that I like a toy of his friend's daughter's. Then I decided that I want it and I clutched to it despite being told to let it go cz it wasnt mine.

Then my parents had to dragged me out of the house and apologized to their friend hahahaha but still, I didnt let go of the toy that that Uncle gave it to me eventually and his daughter was looking at me behind the curtain. Hahaha! poor girl..

Today I realized it. Whatever that I decided to be mine is mine. I dont share it and I dont care that I wont share it. Hahahah!

I wish I am still THAT resilient towards what I want. Maybe I am, but on matters that dont matter.


Senyap.

Being bising and cheerful is hard.

It's hard cz just when you need your me-time to sit at a corner silently and think about stuffs, people thought something is wrong with you and you're not okay.

I mean, it is mostly true tho, but sometimes I just dont feel like being cheerful and I wish people know that I myself, freaking know how to get tired of being lively and cheerful, so yeah, I do know how and when to be quiet and stay calm. Haha!

But at time when I do have things to think, I just keep mum. I dont say much and I found inner peace by doing so.

Nevertheless, it's still hard.
I do have things in my mind right now, worrying about future and whatnot, I just hope Allah protect me always from things that He dislike.

Future Scares Me.

Aku amek space sikit utk lari dari Twitter sbb pagi tadi baru aku selesai delete semua tweet dan kosong kan Twitter, utk memberi laluan kpd masa lapang dgn menyiapkan thesis yg masih lagi tak siap2.

Mcm yg aku aim dlm calendar gmail, habis intern, settle chapter 4. Tapi tu lah, chapter 4 ni data analysis drpd questionnaire yg aku akan distribute. Masalahnya skrg ni Sir tak reply lg email aku. Nk dkt seminggu dah woi.

Bengkel SPSS (sejenis software utk key in data) pulak sabtu depan. Aku nak key in apabenda entah dkt bengkel tu nanti kalau sir tak reply email aku dan approve questionnaire aku. Adoi.

Smlm aku tweet "future scares me", ada 6 orang RT. Aku rasa disayangi sbb rupanya ada jugak kawan2 yg fikir benda sama.

Nak tidur, nangis. Bangun tidur, nangis.
Risau punya pasal.

Thesis
Viva
Habis bachelor degree
Kerja (ini paling menakutkan)

Procrastination.

Aku masih lagi struggle melawan diri procrastinate dgn thesis writing. Ada 5 chapter nak kena buat. Aku personally rasa chapter paling sakit is chapter 2 (literature review) and chapter 4 (data analysis). Tbh, aku baru siap 80% siap chapter 1. Padahal first meet dgn advisor was March 17 haritu. Patutnya dah siap sampai chapter 3 sekarang ni.

Bayangkan berapa banyak aku procrastinate...

Minggu ni baru aku nak catch up balik sebab aku aim sebelum 12 May, siap lengkap chapter 1, 2, questionnaire and intro chapter 3.


Aku pun tak faham kenapa lah uitm ni satu kan intern dgn thesis. Kenapa lah tak thesis dulu baru intern. Penat jugak sebenarnya. Tapi bila aku fikir, orang lain boleh siap sampai 3 chapters, siap kena reject 2-3 kali, aku nak bagi alasan apa kan?


Semoga by isnin ni aku siap chapter 1 & half chapter 2. Tak boleh jadi betul kau ni anisah.

Theoretical framework baru jumpa satu je. Masih tak kukuh. Acano ni?

Kata nak grad on time?

Maka harus lah aku rapatkan diri lebih lagi …

Time zone.

My supervisor told me today that my time will come. The time will come when one day I will have my own paycheck and I will start settling stuffs on my own, the bills, the shopping, the credit card and all.

All I had in my mind at time was to be able to shop at IKEA as much as she did today for her rented apartment.

I love shopping for that kinda stuffs. I imagine having my own apartment and the privilege to decorate it.

Soon the time will come and when it arrives, I hope I'll be just fine.

I learnt so much today. God bless my supervisor.
May the doors of rahmat be opened for her always, ya Rahman.

Catching a Feeling.

It felt horrible to start catching a feeling for someone. For me, it has been 7 years since I last felt like this. Like I am attached to somebody who doesnt even know how I feel and I dont ever intend to tell it yet. Catching a feeling is something, detachment is also another thing. Like I suddenly feel horrible if things didnt end up like fairytales --happily ever after or a good bright future. Such detachment is the worst. Like I already own it but no Im not. Im not even grasping it but I could already feel it but it's not there for real. What lah.....blerghhhh...

Catching THIS feeling for someone after 7 years sucks so badly.

I once had a crush on someone (it's a different 'someone' btw) that I kept it to myself since 2008. I confessed in 2015. From 2008 to 2015, I never allow myself to be attached to this fella cz I know it will hurt me like hell. Im glad I did and it didnt hurt me so much even after I told him what I feel --Im a smart girl and yes he politely rej…