Changes hurt me.

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
 Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :)
Bila aku fikir balik, lagi few months aku genap 19 tahun. Hello, rasa mcm baru semalam jadi 14. Mcm baru semalam lap hingus dkt lengan baju, bila balik Mak ngamuk. Rasa mcm baru semalam aku daftar masuk SSI. Cemburu sungguh masa pada aku. Semua benda berubah. MashaAllah..

Aku berubah tak?

Better or worse? Worse, I think. Allah Maha Penyayang je yang jaga my behind the scenes sins.. I mean, semua org dijaga oleh Dia. I bet kalau Dia kejam, semua org pun malu dgn perangai sendiri sbb semua live showing dkt dahi. Tapi Dia cover baikkk punya kita punya aib. MashaAllah..

Tahun ni tahun terakhir umur aku start dgn digit "1". So sentimental. Bolehkah aku dilabel dewasa lepasni? Tak. Nak. Aku nak jadi kanak2! Sigh. Ah, umur dah 19 pun kdg2 perangai mcm kanak2 HAHA! Aku rasa berperangai kanak2 tak menunjukkan aku ni worse than anyone and those who act all matured aren't any better :p 

menulis benda takde motipppppp!

Aku takda mood dah nk blogging. Sometimes, I blog virtually in my brain.. Let only myself and Allah know. You know, knowing too much can get you hurt. Letting people know too much, hurts the same. I'd rather compile everything in pieces of random papers and ripped them all, let the pain fades..

There ain't much to share. I don't know where to start, how to start. Cuma lately ni bila aku baring bergolek atas katil dkt asrama and thinking what am I lacking of that made me so different from others (while others are improving and I am not), I came to the idea of how things continue to change but yet, I remain the same.

Am I?
Am I still the same nesa?
The lazy bum..

Growing up sucks. The best thing about growing is the notorious liberation, they say. Puiiii, not literally.. Mak, Ayah and Zauji are still in hesitation to give me green light at certain crazy things I wanna do. Am I whining? Kinda. Well, this post is rather I-want-to-fill-my-free-time post. Everything is random. 

Bila aku sedar yg everyone is doing good in study, I asked myself "Kau hadoooooo???"..


Oh my goodness. I have nothing to represent myself at its best and I'm 19!! (well, almost..)

19 years of living and still searching my pace. Will everything work well by time? Not sure though.. I'm not even in university yet -___-" Okay, this is real whining session HAHA!

Talking about changes, not all changes can be alter back to how it used to be, you know. Like when a person change, there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. Saddening isn't it? When everything has change, there's only a thing that remain.. For all I know, it is He whose power over all.

At this age, I watched people around me paving to success tremendously flabbergasting. When I looked at those kids who got the chance to travel at young age, tasting the different cultures all over the world just for the sake of seeking knowledge in the name of Him and getting the precious scroll, I envy. 

One way to coax myself..
God knows better and this is my way.
Again, redha takes control.

Mungkin aku selalu question orang lain hebat etc and what am I doing? Idk..
But I enjoy watching these people, at least, there are things that had my mind opened.

Those are random idiocy of my unstable hormone.
It's the time of the month, peeps.

Aku bosan sebenarnya ni. Rasa nak tidur je, tapi tidur pun bosan, Tgn aku dah sakit asyik scroll IG je. Ya Allah, manusia ni mmg tak reti bersyukur kan? -___-" masa kelas berderet, aku duk tunggu cuti. Ini dah cuti tak tahu nk buat apa pulak. Bagus sgt lah tu. Yg lain dlm rumah ni tak memberi bantuan utk menghilangkan bosan sbb semua mcm ada benda nk buat. Heh..

Kalau pegi hiking pun best gak skrg ni. Bosannya duduk rumah menghadap IG, youtube etc.. I need to get out from this house!!! Hiking anyone?

Nampak benor tgh bosan..
Rumah ni sunyi and everyone seemed to be 'busy'..

Choc mint, jom pergi dating? :(


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