WEEK 14 / SEM 2

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم 
Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :)
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Minggu Gila.
Aku rasa minggu ni cukup gila. Gila penuh air mata, penuh drama, penuh umpatan, penuh dosa. Muahaha. Selama aku sekolah dkt SSAAS, jujurnya, aku jarang ada masalah member. Mungkin sebab aku bukan jenis nk touching lebih bila member tinggalkan aku, pegi lepak tk ajak, pastu emo tak bertegur bagai. Tenang bro, aku manusia, masih punya rasa. Memang terasa hati, tapi kita chillex ah kan. Yang bersalah tu pun, bagusnya tk play dumb act innocent. So ada justice sikit and tkda la gaduh bagai. Aku rasa dulu masa sekolah rendah ah issue gaduh bagai ni hebat dilakonlayarkan -___-" most of my friends dkt SSAAS, jenis yg reti mengalah. Aku boleh buat konklusi yg dorang ni simple-minded and telus. Kau salah, kau admit, kau malu, kau jgn  ulang lagi. Settle. Fakta sekarang ni, semua orang pun buat salah. So, bila tak mengaku salah dan mula tuding jari, SEBAB TU MINGGU 14 NI MINGGU GILA. 

Meminta sesuatu yg luar biasa kepada Yang Maha Esa.
Minggu ni mmg minggu yang penuh drama, yg buat aku rasa sesak dkt dada. Minggu yang bertubi-tubi Dia 'bayar cash' dkt aku. Maksudnya, pembalasan on the spot. Kadang2, bila aku leka, aku terpaksa mohon pada Dia supaya beri aku ujian ataupun dugaan. Ya, terpaksa. Surprisingly, dlm byk2 doa, Dia makbulkan yang tadi tu -____-" tapi jujurnya, aku bersyukur. Aku rasa korang patut cuba. Cuba minta diberikan ujian yg akan mengingatkan kita kembali pada Dia. Percayalah ckp aku, lama2  your life gets better. Dgn syarat! YOU WAKE UP AND MAKE THE STEP TO CORRECT YOUR MISTAKES. Tapi memang sakit ah, sebab kau tk tahu bila masa Dia nak hantar ujian tu. Tuptup Dia hantar, kau terkejut. Sila ambil masa untuk bertenang dahulu.


Rindu Adam.
Aku cuma mampu doa yang Dia jaga Adam bila kami berdua sibuk dgn hidup masing2. Aku tahu dia penat pergi kerja cari rezeki utk support family, I just hope that semuanya berbaloi. 


Final exam.
April 22 is the date. Genap sebulan lagi.

Belajar defend diri sendiri.
Jujurnya, aku tak reti nak defend diri sendiri. Minggu ni aku mcm kena buli sikit. Mungkin sbb aku tak pandai nak bising menyalak like a boss. Kononnya defend diri. It's not really a great scenery to see me raising my voice. Really. Aku tak reti kawal marah. That's why bila marah aku pendam and yeah.. nangis. Menahan bengang tu sakit kot. Begini ceritanya, aku ada group work but it didn't went well. So ada lah perbalahan sikit. Being me, aku memang selalu pesan dkt diri duduk diam2 kalau tgh marah. Sbb the last time aku bengang gila, aku maki si polan dpn RAMAI org and I realized benda tu sgt tak elok (ye aku sempat minta maaf dkt si polan sbb he is my very own best friend). Tapi aku tak leh handle masa tu. Memang aku nak elak ah marah dkt orang sbb by the look of my face when I don't smile, kau tahu aku singa jadian. Wahahahaha!! So bayangkan kalau aku tak leh control diri -___-" So, jalan penyelesaian yang aku amek adalah dgn berdiam diri. Cuma semalam masa sesi confession, orang lain dah bising luah perasaan, aku masih steady lg duduk mendengar sambil main phone sbb nak reduce kan api membara dlm diri, but then, bila dah byk sgt dorang bising, aku bangkang balik tahap maximum. Semua diam. You see, I hate when that happened T___T aku tak leh luah kemarahan. Dgn nada suara, dgn words aku, dah cukup picturing tahap aku bengang. Tu je lah saat aku defend diri. Defend ke? Heh. Aku memang tak leh masuk debate, emosi lebih. 


"Selamat datang ke dunia mahasiswa/mahasiswi".
Itu kata Adam bila aku luah dkt dia perihal apa dah jadi. Aku percaya setiap manusia pernah lalui benda susah dlm hidup and from that, we learn. We start to develop our very own lessons and try to stand for it and ourselves as we grow older. Without tolerance, misunderstandings arise. Masa sekolah, kwn2 aku tak byk masalah sgt dgn aku. Kitaorang mix well. Ada la gaduh sikit tapi kesannya, kami jadi lagi rapat. Maybe, that is real maturity. Tapi aku tak nampak la dgn 'these people', I would ever gain true friendship. I bet I won't even bother about any of them once I leave KMS. Mungkin aku ada sifat negative yg aku selalu nmpk dlm diri 'these people'. Allah wanna teach me, perhaps. Aku rasa Dia nak ajar aku supaya jadi leader kepada diri sendiri. Kelas aku kelas paling byk masalah. Tapi kelas aku jugak yg paling gempak result for PDT. Tapi behind the scene of the success, I personally think that we all don't mix quite well. I feel a gap between us. I too, personally have to admit that, I don't really feel secure to hangout with them. I'd rather go back to my room and settle my own thing. 'These people' aren't really down-to-earth type of people, you know. I've made the comparison with my lovely girls from other course, mashaAllah.. I felt tremendous amount of inner peace when I'm with my lovely girls instead of 'these people'. They helped each other, they don't curse, they crack jokes to tease each other but apologize afterwards. I realized that I too, am harsh and snob. But there are some parts inside me that feel so secured when I hangout with decent people with soft characteristics. It humbles me, it limits me. I became ductile and mingle around with them just like how they do it, cheeky but decent. I think, being too flexible is tough. I can mix with harsh people, as well as, decent ones. The thing is, which one is the true me? Muahahaha!! But you know, life is speeding. Im about to face lots of crazy attitudes. Aku rasa mcm mana aku pilih utk membentuk diri skrg mmg akan effect future nanti. What type of person will I be out of these people I've met? Ye lah, let say kita ni ber-personaliti A, bila kena tempat baru yg org2nya ber-personaliti B, lama2 (for some of us), kita pun jadi B. Eeee cuak. Aku rasa aku ada masalah nak terima hakikat bahawa everyone has haters. Wahahahaha!! Tapi aku harap, from these years that I'll be dealing with bimbos, I'll be able to differ which one is good for the society and myself. 

Ya Allah, didiklah aku supaya aku mencontohi sifat2 Rasulullah S.A.W.

Mungkin wave aku dgn 'these people' tak sehaluan, that's why bila 'bertembung', aku jadi rimas, tak leh nak ngam walaupun they are being nice with me. Ugh, hidup.. bring it on.


Tudung.
I need to sell every stock. Sakit mata tgk byk tudung tk habis jahit dkt rumah ni.

Cuti Semester.
Oh darling holiday, I am waiting for you~


Okay ah, sampai sini je sesi meluah.
Take care! X.

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