Posts

Showing posts from November, 2013

Bersyukur sebab ada Adam di sisi.

Image
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

WARNING : POST PANJANG. 
Semalam muet. Usually bila aku exam, adam memang pesan mcm2. Kalau aku nervous, mmg aku cari dia sbb dia tahu nak membebel apa hahaha. So malam ktorg otp. Jarang ktorg dpt otp lama sbb masing2 ada duty sendiri on the next day, so kena tidur awal. As for him, dia subuh lagi dh grk pergi kerja. Aku, subuh tu bangun utk study/mandi/pegi surau. Pukul 8-4pm biasanya kelas berjalan mcm biasa, sometimes extend. Malam pun ada kelas. So boleh kata jarang aku dgn adam nk contact secara frequent. Harapkan otp sebelum tidur or sebelum pergi kerja/kelas je lah.

Malam semalam otp almost 2 jam, so much of things that we talked about. Lama jugak la ktorg tak borak deep psl serious stuffs camtu. Somehow aku rindu adam. You know that feeling walaupun kau cakap everyday dgn dia, tapi still rindu. Eh? ke aku je yg ada perasaan camni? Hahahaha! Stress released when I talked to him. Dia macam kawan baik, kaki gossip. Sometimes tak rasa mcm dia ni boyf -_- and…

MUET.

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
I didnt expect MUET to be that exhausting. The exam was from 8am-12.30pm, straight with only 10 minutes of break for each paper. I have 3 papers and those are reading, writing and listening. Not sure whether I am qualified to score as what madame expected. I was clearly exhausted. Thank you Allah for my seat was right under the fan. Too bad I was sleepy and in rush. My 350 words essay was a mess. Report was not convincing. Listening was a total disaster right from the beginning. I guess I can only do the talk. Mmm.. what la.. sigh.
Nevertheless, life goes on. God knows how I feel so at ease right after muet ends. Such solace when I lay on my bed, blank state of mind, thinking of fun stuffs to kill the time before semester 4 starts this monday. So yeah, I headed back home :p Shah Alam, thanks for having me hahaha!
You know, the dexterity of going back home despite every rule the college has set up for us is really something I am so proud of. I just managed to e…

Ammar, pergimu sebagai syahid.

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Pertama sekali, aku tak berminat nak tgk video dia. Aku tak tahu dia siapa.  Tapi tergerak hati nak tengok sbb Syida duk post dkt IG pasal dia.  Clearly, there must be something. Jadi aku pegi youtube. Im telling you, the 24 minutes  of time I spent watching this video is totally worth it. His journey reflected me.  Left me in blank state of mind. Asking myself what the heck have I been doing  all this while? He's 20 and already serving for the ummah. While I did nothing.  Lagi aku complaint byk psl life ada lah. 
He must be so special in the Eyes of Allah. Allahurabbi.
Often do I ask myself, with all these sins I keep on doing..  will I be able to have the chance to meet Allah?  You know, not all servants will be able to see Him.  Yes, we'll meet Him but not all of us will have such  specialty to look at His Face. Also Rasulullah SAW.
And watching the video somehow reminded  me of the tweet I tweeted few weeks ago. 
"Someday, you gonna look back …

End of SEM 3 Break.

Image
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم



I still remember the first day I enrolled in KMS. The moment I was queuing and looking around, staring at those anxious faces, ready to get their name registered. I know nobody at that time except for few of friends from school. I enrolled in KMS with the rumors saying that life in matriculation is one hell of a journey. It's tough. It's fast learning system. You gotta work fast, absorb fast, adapt faster. I remember coming back from class, crying because it was mentally exhausting. That was semester 1.
I settled in during semester 2 where I was doing better than semester 1. Being among DL student is really shocking and that explains why semester 2 was better than 1. I settled in quite better. Everyone was doing even better during semester 2.
Semester 3 drifted away too fast that I didn't realize I have been in  KMS for 3 freaking semesters and I survived.... quite well (despite few times that I was lost). Too many changes in this semester and I ha…

feeling nothing

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
someday im gonna look at the past and say 'i was 20 and i did nothing for the ummah'. what  doing something for the ummah actually means? im quite certain if that question were to be asked randomly to the youth, only the minority of us could actually answer that. i too, am one of them. 
saddening isnt it? too many things that this world has to offer that it leads us astray and we didnt realize that we are far from the right track.
we are arrogant, we dont give a damn.

Dewasa sudah. (tidak secara over)

Image
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
I am surrounded with most of friends who put something on their face before they go out. Walau hanya bedak johnson's baby, depa tetap calit something. Being me, syukur pada Allah aku takda banyak masalah kulit except fungus yg suka merebak dan buat orang rasa aku ni mcm alien. Yes, please click this --fungus on skin. That is the sole major problem. Tapi tak selalu. Aku tak boleh panas sangat and sweating excessively dkt muka. Somehow fungus tu tak teruk and dia jadi mcm panau. heh.

But seeing my girls macam tu, buat aku rasa cam, omg kena eh tepek semua tu? I can not decipher them. But one thing I know is, kena jaga kulit (nanti suami cari lain). Salah satu faktor kulit bermasalah adalah excessive expose to UV light. Yes, the sun, my friend. Not only it makes your skin tans, but it also stimulates the creatures under your skin to do epic stuffs to your face.
Jeragat, pigmentation, jerawat. etc.  Kalau aku tak membaca, takda nya aku nak tahu (read: kesah) p…

Tears

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Perasaan boleh berubah? Mungkin.

Ya Tuhan, perasaan pada masa tu, it was a blessing yang tak datang banyak kali. aku bersyukur dgn rahmat Mu. andai ada peluang itu lagi, pimpinlah aku walaupun dunia menghimpit jiwa dan mencipta tekanan pada akal warasku.

Ya Allah, ampuni kami. berikan kami peluang. sampaikan isi hati ini.
perancanganMu, kebesaranMu. redha lah aduhai hati.

Iqra'. (Baca)

Image
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Satu benda aku tak suka pasal cuti sejak masuk KMS adalah bila aku jadi liat takda disiplin dkt masa. Bangun lambat, tidur lambat, duk twitter/IG memanjang. Honest ah, benda ni buat otak aku numb sebab it's uncontrollable. 5 jam boleh hadap dua tu je. 5 jam yg sama jugak aku guna masa study week utk study habis-habisan sampai kepala pusing. Tak ke jauh beza tu? 
SubhanaAllah. Rutin dkt KMS ada impak jugak dkt aku. (Ewah, bajet)
Dah seminggu cuti berlalu, seminggu jugak aku me-lagho. IG/Twitter/lepak/movie. Takda benda produktif. Ada la baca buku, tapi disiplin takda. Actually, reading helps you to stay focus. Nak buat otak kau fokus pada setiap perkataan, supaya kau dpt terjemah maksud ayat, memerlukan fokus. Kalau setakat baca gitu je, tak payah la baca buku, baca komik je senang. Aku nak buat something yg aku tak rasa mcm terbuang masa dgn sia-sia, so membaca je lah pilihannya. It has been few days jugak aku ada habit ni. Habitnya adalah, lepas solat subuh…

Pacing Forward

Image
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم




if someone ask me, "what are the things that you are really keen to improve at this moment?", definitely i'd say :
- sensitivity. i get offended so easily these days, might need to teleport to Pluto if necessary. surely, i wish i could be logical and ignorant. well yes, ignorant towards my own hard feelings. try to ignore and focus on other things that might be better or make me happy. 
- discipline. semester break doesnt mean that i have to abandon my study. it is from my schedule at KMS that i manage to learn what discipline means. waking up early, do productive things other than scrolling down twitter/IG, would actually help me to gain back my good habit at KMS. ah come on, it's only a week since semester break started -,-
- patience. and yes i havent been patient to anyone lately. keep throwing tantrum to anyone. i get mad when what i said is neglected. 
- focus. no aims can be grasped without focus. 
- sewing/cooking/reading/drawing/writ…

tulis

Image
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

cendol dan menulis. dua sinergi yg kalau bergabung, boleh meletup --bagi aku gembira.
KL Noir adalah novel fixi yg menjadi pujaan hatiku (ewah), novel yg beri aku inspirasi bahawa satu masa nanti cerpen aku akan tercetak pada helaiannya. well, mungkin. ah, cuba jadi yakin, boleh?
oh mungkin aku discover satu benda, aku boleh menulis, tapi tak sebaik orang lain. mungkin aku patut hantar something pada fixi. kena reject, cuba lagi. firsts are always messy, they say. first draft, first kiss, first date etc were the kind of mess we have in life.
it's okay. i will rise. aku ada wingman yg sedia jd pembaca pertama.

Bangun Pagi.

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
When someone triggers a question of what do I want to be in the future, they left me in a blank mind state. I'll be in a confusion, I can't decipher the reason. Specifically, that question has so many answers and I am in the situation whereby choosing the correct answer won't satisfy me. The definition of what I want to be is huge. I would want to be a good person or an engineer. Nevertheless, I could be both. The problem doesn't rely in between that. Choosing is the real task.
Passion. They say I needed passion. 
Could passion feeds what need to be fed? This few months forward are the months that I had to sit and think about what I want to be in the future. 
Really, what is it?
Stay ambitious? I could nudge myself to accept the fact that whatever do I want to be, I have to wake up early in the morning where no negativity has started and then I shall surround my thoughts with great possibilities that His Mercy is gonna lingers around. We all go…

kau boleh.

sukanya aku pada jiwa yg lapang. pada mata yg jelas terpancar ikhlas, ketawa yg benar jelas gembira.
pada mereka yg sentiasa tersenyum, menyebarkan rahmat Allah dgn nilai senyum mereka. selalu aku terperangkap dgn mereka yg sebegini, jadi tertarik.
ada hari aku terpunduk, langsung membatu, tapi jiwa mereka yg lapang, ikhlas tersenyum.
pintu rahmat Allah bermula di waktu pagi, pada masa semua lena diulit mimpi, bangun, kejar impianmu, bangun dan jgn lagi membatu.

Puisi tu mainstream

puisi tu mainstream. semua anak malaya boleh tulis puisi. nilai puisi hanya difahami oleh si pemuisi itu sendiri. hangpa tak faham, tolong duduk tepi.

biar lah.

biar aku tulis semuanya,
biar setiap bait kata aku coretkan, biar puas hati, sebelum mata tutup dan roh berlayar.
biar kosong dlm hati, tanpa prejudis, tanpa benci. biar aku coret segala amarah. biar aku kata dunia tak adil, kerana aku yg sering kalah dan salah.
biar aku taip kan di sini daripada aku hamburkan pada mereka,
biar aku yg baca,
biar aku yg bebas.
biar apa mereka kata,
persetankan semua,
jangan di ambil hati,
kelak memakan diri.

diam tak bermakna kalah,
mungkin Tuhan mau kau belajar hormat,
berserah tak bermakna kau penat,
cuma kau lebih rela dijaga Tuhan,
daripada amarah sendiri.

biar minda ini tenang,
hati ini lapang,
dalam coretan aku sendiri.

maaf dunia dan isinya,
maaf.

Tolak Pergi.

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) -------------------------------------
Kalau sorang hamba Allah cinta kan aku kerana sekeping hati ini,spesifikasinya di mana?adakah pada saat di mana terpancar kebaikan pada sinar mata?atau pun hanya dek kerana susun atur perkataan yg pada zahirnya nampak elok?atau kerana sucinya hati yg jarang sekali mencerca?mana spesifikasinya?
Sekeping hati yg jika dibiar tercemar,lama-lama memakan diri.
Yang baik dikata buruk,Yang ikhlas dikata keji,senangnya dunia men-stereotaip-kan segala isinya.Mudah, seperti mencetak segala yg kau suka pada sekeping kanvas.Suka hati.
Aduhai hati,kalau engkau adalah kanvas putih,mungkin setitik warna suci tu pun tak kelihatan sekarang ini..
Kerana prejudis dah tolak pergi sucinya warna putih yg kami semua stereotaip-kan tadi.

Puitistakpuitis. XO, Nesayang.
Tulis dan tulis.. biar muntah semua prejudis.

TQ For Understanding Me.

Image
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) -------------------------------------------------


Dear Jodoh (omg tak habis-habis), I think this little girl is cute. Satgi anak kita kena comel cam dia okay? :p ----------------------------------------------------
Currently addicted with Good Doctor. Thanks to Nyawa sbb introduce cerita ni. Sampai tak berjalan kerja aku dkt rmh. Kerja apa time cuti? Haaaa kau jgn main2, aku ada list down kerja sebelum cuti okay? Nak tgk? Nah..


Buat masa sekarang, takda satu pun kerja aku yang berjalan hahaha. Semua sebab Good Doctor. Tapi takpa, cuti lama lagi. Boleh tenang lagi. Harini budak kelas aku, pergi Melaka. Memang dah plan reramai, tapi aku saje mendiamkan diri. Aku tak pasti kenapa aku selalu isolate diri daripada dorang. Nope, dorang tk sisihkan aku, selalu ajak aku lepak, siap paksa,, kena tarik lagi (Yasmin selalu buat -__-), but I somehow dont feel belonged.  I am not sure why. Somehow I couldnt blen…

Beza Kami.

Image
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) ----------------------------------------------




When I was in semester 2, I realized that each time one has an idea, there are (perhaps) billions out there who have the freaking same idea. Example : if I were to plan to do create a software on how to engineer a hijab, perhaps, 159 people out there are thinking the same thing too. It's not that I never realized this thing. But.. mm.. how to say this.. I am the kind of person whose ego is huge, I wont digest something unless I happened to experience it. Yes, regardless the times people around me give advise. I just wont budge. Selfish brat, I am. 
So back to having the same idea like others.
I think the difference between you and the others is actually enacting the idea. Really. Some people just have mere dreams. Perhaps a bit of effort and it stops somehow. That happened to me. Until I realized people are pacing fast towards a better future, I spr…