BOLD & SEPET

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم It has been so long since the last time I updated this blog via laptop. Kinda miss it though. life has been... well, pretty challenging for me. Truly challenging. Last sem result was disastrous, left my purse at home and had to starve myself, Nenek was admitted because she ate nothing for weeks, Idk why.  Had few personal issues that are very torturing. Had to deal with the fact that I lost friends, technically. Had to deal with the fact that someone betrayed me. Checked my MUET result and it wasn't as remarkable as people expected. Basically, I am at the pinnacle of downfall. I am still wondering what the heck is wrong with me. My momentum has been drowning since last semester. Everything is very frustrating. I had hard time trying to be redha and move on from what Allah has written for me. Yes, still struggling. It's easy to say "you need to move on fast, got future awaits", but what is the essentials that I need to fathom for mysel...

. Isnin. Smlm (ahad) aku sampai asrama lambat dan aku sgt penat. Jd aku tk fikir pape, terus start my day (Isnin). Tk prepare ah senang cite. Nasib kerja week 6 dh settle. Tp aku tahu week 7 ni kerja mesti mcm gunung meninggi. Biasa lah, nak exam, matrix life mmg gitu. Lg nk exam, lg belambak kerja kau. Masa sikit. Astaghfirullah, merungut hehe.  Tk leh blahnya, aku dgn confident nk top up rm30 utk internet, ttba baru aku sedar purse aku tkda. Haaaaaa elok sgt. Baru isnin, makan pasir la jawabnya. Sigh! Tinggal dlm kereta rasanya.. Bertabah lah mkn oat sepanjang weekdays ni. Selasa. Harini aku belajar : 1) jgn cepat terasa hati sgt. 2014 adalah hari yg aku azam tknk terasa hati. Biasalah bila kau azam, Tuhan mesti hntr ujian nk tgk jitu tak azam kau. Seharian penat aku pujuk diri "jgn distracted dgn sekitar kau, work hard, smile often, ingat Allah, ingat universiti kau nk kejar". 2) member lupa kau tkpa, jgn kau lupa member. 2014 adalah tahun yg aku nk cuba jd member yg baik....

Pagi ni aku bangun, bersiap nak balik ke Johor tengok nenek. Ttba syok aku scroll Padgram, mata aku tertarik dkt gmbr Istanbul. Cantik tempat ni. Dulu cerita Istanbul, Aku Datang tu pun dh boleh nmpk tmpt ni cantik. Ewah, memandai kau je.. -__-" Istanbul, Aku datang. Kau tunggu aku kumpul duit.  Aku nak gerak Amsterdam dulu baru aku melawat kau. Hehehehe. Ticket pegi Istanbul ni aku tengok ada lah dlm 3k. Gilos betulzzz, degree nanti kena pulun doh sem 1. Scholarship adalah harapan utama aku hehe! Guna duit scholarship lah jawabnya nak travel. Pandai2lah kau hidup, nisa. Chaiyokkkkkk!! Ini semua Adam punya kerja, dia la bg influence! -_-" Impian sebelum umur 25! Places I want to go : - whole Europe - Istanbul Ya Muhaimin, make ease of my journey to travel and learn :) P/S : mana la tahu dpt chance travel dgn jodoh tersayang :p amboi kau nisa!!! Hehehe

You might be at the other side of the world trying to figure the journey Allah has planned for you. You might be working hard as I am here in my room. Im doing chemistry mind map. A thought of you came when I listened to a song by Hafiz Hamidun. I wonder where are you now... That is a song that totally reminds me of you. The lyrics. Perhaps I get the chance to meet you, perhaps few minutes before I leave for the next journey up there, perhaps I get to grow old with you, withstand your anger and soothed by your tenderness.  At the other side of the world, you might be praying to Allah now. Perhaps you sit on your prayer mat, pondering upon life. I wish you knew that Im here, my name is written right next to yours.  Perhaps works or assignments make you depressed, I silently ask Allah to make ease of your journey. Couldnt stand looking at you frowning though..  At the other side of the world, you might be hungry at this hour. I wonder what would you do to feed that tummy. O...

Hari pertama 2014 bermula dgn bagus alhamdulillah. Pegi melawat Umi, lecturer aku yg tgh sakit dkt Hospital Selayang. Tapi bila sampai malam je, byk betul benda uji kesabaran aku. Benda simple je pun. Contoh : 1) iron board yg dh jahanam menambah jahanam lagi tudung aku utk kelas esok. 2) perangai certain manusia yg ntah lah, nauzubillah. Kalau aku salah, aku mohon Allah bayar cash. I dont mind, seriously. I need to grow and accept critism, be loving and considerate. Kena tolak tepi parasites camtu. Haih.. 3) rules KMS yg baru telah mengatakan bahawa tkde student blh balik bilik waktu kuliah until 12pm. Kelas pagi ke, ada break in between classes ke, kau tk blh balik bilik melainkan lps 12 tgh hari. Aku tk tahu ni kolej ke penjara. Allah sabar lah aku.. Susah gilos nak istighfar bila marah sbb aku more rasa nak mencarut. Sigh. Batal azam. Haiyohhh.. Astaghfirullah.. Astaghfirullah.. Moga kalian tak mcm aku. Nisa, ampuni semuanya. Tkpa lambat, lain hari laju la tu. Tkpa camtu, lain hari...

Aku sebenarnya berat hati nk menginjak ke umur 20an. Aku rasa mcm aku masih budak lagi hahahaha. Tp 20an bermakna hidup moves forward and what is past will always be past.  Semoga aku jd seorang yg hatinya baik. Adam kata dia mula2 jatuh sayang dkt aku sbb hati aku. Tp aku rasa 2013, hati aku byk tercalar so dia jd tak berapa nk cantik. Mungkin 2014 adalah sesi mencantikkan hati.  Selamat 20an, nisa. Welcome to another face of life. Be bold!  :)