BOLD & SEPET

Just now Ayah told me when I was 3, we visited his friend then I decided that I like a toy of his friend's daughter's. Then I decided that I want it and I clutched to it despite being told to let it go cz it wasnt mine. Then my parents had to dragged me out of the house and apologized to their friend hahahaha but still, I didnt let go of the toy that that Uncle gave it to me eventually and his daughter was looking at me behind the curtain. Hahaha! poor girl.. Today I realized it. Whatever that I decided to be mine is mine. I dont share it and I dont care that I wont share it. Hahahah! I wish I am still THAT resilient towards what I want. Maybe I am, but on matters that dont matter.

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  I am not perfect nor am I a rigidly practicing Muslim. I decided to challenge myself to properly covered my aurat 3 years ago, after school ended. It was my decision alone. No force from anyone. I am a city girl. I wasn't a properly covered girl before, but I did try my best. Not that I am very perfectly covered today, bcz I am, still trying. You might be in the same situation like me. When people question/utter, "pakai handsocks nak gi mana? driving?" "mcm ninja seh handsocks" "kenapa tak bukak stokin? kan masuk rumah dah ni?" "kenapa pakai stokin? nak pegi cafe je kan?" "kenapa pakai stokin? tak basah ke? hujan ni.." Oh yes, I get it. I get it that hidayah doesn't turun to everyone. Some get it late, some never get it. I got it 18 years after I was born. I fathom it, struggle with it. I've been there, I was once a girl who never like the idea of wearing tudung. I like...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم I think that I've been quite active with my Canon these days. I carried it everywhere and I get to appreciate better quality of pictures and improve my dusty-rotten-rusty skills that I long ago lost. Another reason is because my flip phone doesn't come with a camera (hello, duhh), so I dragged my Canon wherever I go lah. Went to IKEA yesterday and Syakirah asked... "kau bawak camera?" Ye, sahabatku. You guys will see me with this camera most of time after this.  I just realize that our clothes n tudung patterns are looking almost alternate hahahahaha (credit to SyaiRahman, yayy thanks dude! Yes, please drool all over yr phone/laptop as you look at this pic hehehe We happened to bumped into these guys actually and spent the rest of the day roaming around The Curve and IKEA. MUST TRY DOH NI!! Red velvet dia power! Drinks pun sama! Ada dua cawangan je. Satu dkt The Curve, satu dkt JB. Reasonable price for th...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) Yesterday was a day I learnt about parenthood. It was as if Allah was teaching me indirectly about parenthood. Whole my life, I always think my parents are perfect. Every opinion from them is legit and applicable as my preference. As my stance. I mean, their opinion made me think life is as what they opinionated. If they indirectly scold me with ABCD, then I would think life is like ABCD. Senang cite, gua mcm takda pendirian sendiri. Aku tak pasti aku ni tak cukup exploring ke fikir ke apa. My aunt once said "kau ni hidup dlm shadow mak ayah kau la".. She's a psychologist. Hence, I think she has a point. I think, as you grow up, you gotta have stance. Stance is like a mental posture, your own point of view. In malay, pendirian. My mom always said "people without stance won't succeed". My dad says "attitude is veryyyyyyyy impo...

somehow in life, you wished some things never happened. though it happened because you let them happened. that, my friend, is regret. it happened to all of us. regret is here, within us. some chose to ignore, some chose to overcome. as you walked through life, regret will haunt you. break you. but it's always a choice. Allah promised to be there, for you, though somehow you feel shattered when you were left alone. you wanted a way out from the burden you've hanged on for some period of time. painful, it is. life wont promised you a guaranteed bliss. nobody will ever guaranteed anything. but that is when faith seeps in you. faith keeps you going. faith embrace you. faith enlightens you because it shines the darkest route. install faith to everyone you'll meet. because only faith that keeps you going. the very last hope for you. believe. in other words. it will bring you 'there'. it's your last hope.

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) kita semua perlu supporter, baik seorang rakan atau darah daging sendiri. pernah seorang rakan, begitu setia dibelakang aku. itu yg aku nampak. lalu aku percaya dia sahabat yg baik. hilang dlm ingatan bila terakhir kali aku rasa begitu. punyai seorang teman se-cool dia. masa berjalan dan aku bermusafir. ya Allah, seorang teman yg sejati juga buat tenang hati. hari demi hari, jika ada hambaNya yg dtg bawa kebaikan, aku terima dia sebagai teman. setia atau tidak hambanya Dia itu, aku tolak tepi. aku terima dia dan kebaikan yg dibawanya. aku gendong kebaikan itu atas nama Allah. dlm diam aku hormati teman itu. biar buruk lisannya, tapi kebaikannya yg aku fokuskan. biar kecil, aku besarkan. bila tiba masa utk dia pergi, aku relakan. kebaikannya tetap aku gendong. keburukannya cuba aku tu...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) berjalanlah kamu di atas muka bumi ini, tanpa rasa sombong. selitkan rasa malu. kukuhkan beranimu. Tuhan mmg sengaja membiarkan kita, dgn masalah kita sendiri. mungkin cuma itu ruang utk kita kembali. seringkali kita penat berdoa, tidak sekali doa itu makbul. lalu kita berhenti berdoa. seringkali juga kita berdoa, dan makbul doa itu. lalu kita lupa utk terus diberi kekuatan berdoa. berdoa lah satu-satunya jambatan. jambatan menuju Dia. doa beri ketenangan. umpama bercakap dgn Ya Rahman. doa lah penyambung iman. iman itu percaya. percaya pada Allah. berdoalah. tanpa henti. agar imanmu sentiasa bersambung menuju Allah.

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) --------------------------------------- bila hujan turun, lalu kita dongak dan ucap "syukur Allah..", malaikat sibuk menulis pahala buat kita, kanan terutamanya. lalu kita tetap berjalan menuju tanggungjawab, siang dan malam, bila masalah dtg merudum, terduduk kita dibuatnya. mungkin nangis, mungkin migrain. lalu kita dongak kembali ke atas, menyatakan betapa tidak adilnya hidup ini. beza dgn hujan tadi. hujan itu kurnia Tuhan. sama jugak masalah kita. syukur lah, hujan dan masalah meletakkan warna pada hidup. dan itu semua kurnia Tuhan. Allahurabbi..

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم   Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :)  ---------------------------------   POST PANJANG .   Okay lah, mari admit yang 1st week of semester 3 berlalu dgn sgt laju. Aku rasa mcm pergi kelas drpd pagi sampai petang tu mcm 2-3 jam je duration dia. laju sungguh masa berjalan. sedar tak sedar dah jumaat. masa utk balikkkkkkkkkkkkkk! hahahaha!   alhamdulillah.   ok mari kita ranting pulak.    1) Result sem lepas. alhamdulillah. adam kata result aku tu kalau dkt uni dh jd dekan dh. petang amek result tu aku down sikit sbb aku rasa ketinggalan. aku call mak ayah, hehehe dorang happy! gila wehhhh! im back on track! waktu dgr reaction dorang tu, aku rasa mcm "janji mak ayah aku happy, dunia tkda benda dh bg aku" muahahaha!! and adam, this guy, so loyal :) tggu result sama2 dgn aku. dia balik kerja dia pesan "sayang dh dapat result jgn bgthu dulu k? tggu saya call :)".. dia punya la ...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :)  ----------------------------------------------   cuti tinggal few days. i'll head back to banting on june 12. so these last few days i spent by reading. blogs and books. i read to improve my focus. yep, i love to it, but frankly you need to know there are so many types of readers in this world. im the one yg baru 25 page, dh terlelap, celik mata, grab the book, 25 pages more, terlelap lagi HAHAHAHA. i dont quite fathom how people read a thick book within a day. so these few days, i've been trying to read as fast as i can hahahaha. sbb rugi masa baca slowly. aku jenis yg baca dgn intonasi sekali dlm hati, tu yg terlelap tu. pastu satu novel amek masa lebih sehari sbb i cant resist reading them with intonation (dlm hati). gila.   ok thats not the point.   lately ni, aku selalu rasa insecure. pasal result, psl future etc. normal kot benda ni. cuma aku rasa sgt an...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) ------------------------------------- POST PANJANG . dulu, masa aku kecik, bila aku buat salah, mak ayah akan marah (normal ah kan), aku tak boleh terima. contoh kalau dorang suruh pakai selipar bila keluar rumah, aku tetap insist them with the idea that tak pakai selipar lagi senang. bila mak ayah marah kaw2, muka aku marah tapi mata dah berair. dlm hati? tak puas. kenapa idea aku (yg kemudiannya aku sedar adalah sangat bodoh) tidak diterima mereka. perkara ni berlanjutan sampai aku besar. the only person yg boleh marah aku balik and make me shut my mouth but eyes pooled are my parents. they really read me and can take control of myself when i went absurd hahahaha. i really need a husband that can bear my childishness. yeah, good luck on finding him, nesa.. -__- mungkin ego, mungkin sbb aku mmg degil sgt. someone once said to me "orang kena pandai main psychology dgn awak...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :)  ------------------------------------------------   Utk Mak Ayah (and my lil bros), hanya mereka dan tiada galang ganti. tiada jumlah harta yg mampu ganti mereka. segala penat lelah, terutama membesarkan baby yg kerek lagi grumpy lagi suka jerit mcm aku. aku masih ingat bila ayah cerita masa aku dah mula nak bercakap, aku asyik jerit2 je. aku duduk sorang dkt seat blkg, ayah suruh senyap, aku lg jerit2. bimbo baby. punya lah sabar depa melayan aku. aku tk pernah lagi rasa terlalu amat melampau risau dkt somebody. i wanted to feel it sbb all this while, i thought i am a selfish brat. i dont know how to care deeply. i looked at how mothers all around me. their faces.. priceless. adam told me "anak2 ni kekuatan utk mak".. i dont quite understand that. how an innocent soul could be your staunching strength? maybe one day i could understand it when i looked into my kids' eyes. pare...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) -------------------------------------------------- Minggu Gila. Aku rasa minggu ni cukup gila. Gila penuh air mata, penuh drama, penuh umpatan, penuh dosa. Muahaha. Selama aku sekolah dkt SSAAS, jujurnya, aku jarang ada masalah member. Mungkin sebab aku bukan jenis nk touching lebih bila member tinggalkan aku, pegi lepak tk ajak, pastu emo tak bertegur bagai. Tenang bro, aku manusia, masih punya rasa. Memang terasa hati, tapi kita chillex ah kan. Yang bersalah tu pun, bagusnya tk play dumb act innocent. So ada justice sikit and tkda la gaduh bagai. Aku rasa dulu masa sekolah rendah ah issue gaduh bagai ni hebat dilakonlayarkan -___-" most of my friends dkt SSAAS, jenis yg reti mengalah. Aku boleh buat konklusi yg dorang ni simple-minded and telus. Kau salah, kau admit, kau malu, kau jgn  ulang lagi. Settle. Fakta sekarang ni, semua orang pun buat salah. So, bila tak mengaku salah ...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) --------------------------------------- These days, I had a thing for clothes. Probably because I go to classes wearing the freaking SAME baju kurungs for every semester (so far).. The only days that I feel to wear a bit fancy (eh?), are during exam days. Yeah, exactly, because it marks the beginning of semester break and I'm hyperventilating. Hence, the fancy baju kurungs. Nevertheless, my baju kurungs aren't so fancy pun sebenarnya. It's just I'll be wearing the ones that I rarely don. My coursemates will all be like "ceh, cantik baju? pegi kuliah tk pakai pulak baju ni?" and I'll answer "excited nak balik weh.." HAHAHAHA! What a weird bimbo.. So yeah.. I think it is not so late for me to rant about my resolutions this year. (Gila kau? dah february dah oi!).. (Ada aku kesah? hewhewhew..).. So, this year are just gonna be a simple and happy y...