BOLD & SEPET

WARNING: LONGGGGG POST. Hi. Lama betul aku tak update blog eh. Makin tua makin tak terluah apa yg ada dlm hati. Dulu time sekolah fuhhh rajin blogging. Anyway, this post will be as the title says. 21.1.2021; First Anniversary with my handsome man :) Hari ni genap setahun aku jadi Puan Anisah, RASA MCM CEPAT GILA MASA BERLALU, RASA TAK PERCAYA AKU DAH KAHWIN SIAKKK HAHAHAHA NESA DH BESAR DOH, DAH 27 TAHUN THIS YEAR! Anyway, terus kan hidup dengan roommate baru, tempat baru, Segamat Johor.  A completely new phase. Jauh dr family and friends kat Shah Alam. Dah nak dekat setahun aku kat bandar kecil ni. A simple life I would say. Cuma bukan rezeki kitaorang sebab tak dapat nak travel for honeymoon due to Covid-19, a pandemic that sucks life outta everyone.  Bulan pertama kahwin, mac 2020, pengalaman pertama jugak utk aku sebab lockdown PKP 1.0 kat rumah mertua dari Mac sampai August 2020. Suka hati aku je bantai tidur lewat, bangun tengah hari kt rmh mil hahahaha! Azizi pun jenis ...

It felt horrible to start catching a feeling for someone. For me, it has been 7 years since I last felt like this. Like I am attached to somebody who doesnt even know how I feel and I dont ever intend to tell it yet. Catching a feeling is something, detachment is also another thing. Like I suddenly feel horrible if things didnt end up like fairytales --happily ever after or a good bright future. Such detachment is the worst. Like I already own it but no Im not. Im not even grasping it but I could already feel it but it's not there for real. What lah.....blerghhhh... Catching THIS feeling for someone after 7 years sucks so badly. I once had a crush on someone (it's a different 'someone' btw) that I kept it to myself since 2008. I confessed in 2015. From 2008 to 2015, I never allow myself to be attached to this fella cz I know it will hurt me like hell. Im glad I did and it didnt hurt me so much even after I told him what I feel --Im a smart girl and yes he politely ...

quite a long post tho --------------- I never been on any legit real relationship that lasts for more than a year. When I was with my Johor ex boyfriend, we...oh god, i forgot what happened la siaa hahaha! Only lasted few months je kot. When I was with my wall-climber ex boyfriend, our official declaration only lasted for 2 weeks. We still try to keep it going but we broke up anyway. When I was with my afro-haired ex boyfriend, we lasted for 3 months. When I was with my forensic-officer-to-be ex boyfriend, we lasted 4-5 months. I forgot already. Then, someone catfished me for two years which made me "had a boyfriend" for that period of time, which no, that's not a real relationship. The catfish-er was a girl btw. Nope, she isnt ex boyfriend apparently. Wrong category. Yeap, I checked that. Im straight btw. Hahaha! When I was with my theater-partner ex boyfriend, we lasted 2 months cz we broke up on 14th Feb 2015. Yeap, valentine's day. So yeah, those w...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Malam kelmarin aku tidur dalam nangis, ala senang cite tertidur masa nangis hahaha. Aku terasa bersalah dengan sesuatu that I keep on chanting "im sorry" while listening to Photograph. But I had a good deep sleep. Woke up at 2pm weh. Gila tak good en. Aku pun tak tahu perlu ke aku lalui semua ni lagi sekali. Berbaloi ke aku multitask ni sebab secara jujurnya multitask mcm ni sucks teruk. Aku tak pandai lagi nak kemudi diri dan hati. Aku kurang sabar dan tak pandai mengawal rindu yang akhirnya jadi sakit memakan diri sendiri. Ini bukan kali pertama, ini dah berkali-kali. Aku pun dah naik penat, malas nak cuba. Tapi kali ni mcm perlu ke-serius-an sikit sebab aku pun bukan makin muda, main-main sangat pun tak boleh dlm benda ni. Zaman test and try dah tamat, tapi tu lah, risau kalau di akhirnya nanti semua ni sia-sia, terputus di tengah jalan. Sendu. Blerghhh. Bodoh benda ni, sekarang jugak dia nak test aku. Life is about to be nerve-wre...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Dear you, the next one whom I will be in love with. The last one, if Allah is willing. Yes, this post is for you. I am sorry you are not the first one. I always wish I would grow wiser and more patient to make you the first one. I am sorry, I dont have enough power to make the time moves backward. But I know that I would love you better than anyone I had before because of all the pains, mistrusts and infidelity that I went through. I am sorry, I love you. You will be my last, if Allah is willing.   I am sorry that for now, I might not say it to your face that I like you because I learnt that keeping the feelings to myself and Allah feels a lot calmer than if you ever knew that I like you. I am sorry, you might not know now, but one day you will, if Allah is willing to let you know. Because after all, what I feel for you came from Allah, it's me myself who had to handle it wisely.  It cant be tainted, that's why you sha...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  LONG ENTRY. These past few weeks, my friends keep coming to me telling about their love stories which actually made me think at night, before going to bed. I like to do that because it helps me to sleep, it's tiring, you know :p  The other day when I was at Bert's with my girls, we talked about suka dan sayang. When do we realized that the suka has evolved into sayang. So I tweeted that and a friend responded, when we start to care for them, whoever that person is. Is this suka thing a temporary feeling we only play around with because some of us, suka a lot of people at the same time. Suka tgk, suka karakter and all sorts of suka. Like me, I like watching people that these days Im so confused whether it's real feeling or just pandang dia and lupa. I need to move on from boys who left me, anyway. I was just their temporary fix anyway. Who cares if I like people-watching anyway. *eyes rolling* The other day, Idk what got into me ...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  warning : post yg panjang.  aku nak ckp pasal love life.  judgemental freaks,  post ni bukan utk minda seperti awak. " org kata cinta tu adalah orang yg sama tapi kau fall in love byk kali dkt dia. despite years passed by, things you both went thru. tapi ingat, cinta tak semestinya memiliki. so, be redha and know when to walk away ." --------- Haritu kan Valentine's Day, juga menandakan bahawa aku dah setahun single. Aku sebenarnya tak faham kenapa nak kena tulis benda ni, tapi aku rasa ada beberapa points dia. Aku harap takda orang baca sebab bila ada orang baca, post ni boleh jadi sumber membahan aku balik dan kebiasaannya post yg panjang rare sekali orang berminat, so aku cuba panjangkan, biar penat kau baca lepastu kau giveup nak habiskan dan aku boleh teruskan merepek dgn lega. Muahahaha! A year ago, I broke up with my last ex, J. I said to him I cant bear the commitment. Kau tau lah kan, bila ada partner n...

Puisi yang aku sendiri tuliskan utk lelaki yang aku suka tapi tak boleh nak miliki sbb secara hakikinya cinta tu bukan memiliki. mencintai ciptaanNya memang memerlukan aku utk sedar dekat mana posisi aku, baik di sisi dia, apatah lagi di sisi tuhan. utk cinta yang jauh, baik-baik dekat sana. baik-baik jaga dia. aku dah confess walaupun aku tahu level tak terbalasnya cinta tu mmg tinggi. tapi aku kena steady, sbb esok lusa masih byk nak kena tempuhi. nanti lah aku cerita lagi. baca dulu puisi ni. --------------------------------------- I could be yours, we could be together. Your smile, your poise and our laughter. Bring back those memories that makes me shudder. They keep me sane, they keep me stronger. Maybe i could be yours if we try a little harder, but you belong to her and i belong to the Creator. Maybe distance sucks but if we try a little harder, we thrive and finally break the barrier. Maybe that smile could be the reason that i keep do...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  At this hour, I stumbled upon something that kinda broke my heart a little. Just little dent. Too little because it has been at the peak of breaking since the day I know my feelings were real, it stayed after years have passed. We all have gone through this phase. Maybe I took so long to tell the truth, maybe things were not meant to be. Maybe I was meant for somebody out there who is constantly checking up on me but I didnt know. Maybe time isnt right yet. Maybe all that I kept to myself was a waste. Maybe this is the end. friends,  if you ever had the intention to mend a broken heart, do ask yourself a question " do you intend to stay or is it just a fun ride temporary getaway? "

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Post yg panjang . Aku memang orang paling terakhir sekali yang layak bagi advice sebab obviously we are all accountable for our own opinions. Tapi in this matter, aku rasa cm aku ada satu opinion. Confess to your crush. Opinion aku adalah kalau aku suka somebody, aku akan cakap dkt dia. Aku kena cakap. Kalau tak aku tak boleh duduk diam hahaha. I took a slow and steady process now to find The Guy. Hahahaha. Aku dah sampai that point yang mana Im not afraid of rejection nor am I eager to keep searching for another 'somebody' after being rejected. dan aku rasa, menyampaikan isi hati aku pada lelaki yang aku salute, hormat, adore and secretly sayang ni adalah satu benda yang aku kena buat walaupun sekali je and yang sekali tu pun dia reject. (mmg bangang sapa reject aku kan? i know *flips tudung* HAHAHAHA) Sebab apa kawan-kawan, kena reject is not the end of the world. Aku pernah kena reject, long time ago. Not afraid abo...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Aku jenis yang pekak and slow sikit bab mendengar English ni, sebab tu MUET band 3. Tapi ada satu hari tu aku dalam kete and aku tertangkap lirik lagu ni. Mmg achievement betul. Pastu aku rasa lagu ni deep. Girls and boys, lets ponder upon the lyrics. Listen and contemplate. Aku dah repeat 3 jam dah ni. ...but the most important question I have in mind when I listen to the lyrics was "will I be able to accept someone's flaws and let my faith surpass all hardships?" Will you? ----------------------- Thank you for reading! Have a nice day! ♥

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  WARNING : POST YG SUPERRRRR PANJANG. BEAR WITH ME. Oh yes, Adam aku tak short-list kan sebab well... dia kan tak wujud, (if you read my previousss posts). So, ini je lah jejaka-jejaka yg pernah wujud dlm hati aku. (Tipu) HAHAHAHA. Ada la dulu masa aku form 2, aku minat nak mati dgn senior ni named F. Si F ni mmg tahu la aku minat dkt dia. Aku rasa time tu last aku minat gila dkt seorang lelaki. Ewah. Sbb F tu tak minat dkt aku balik (wtf statement ni hahaha), and dia suka senior lain yg super hot and dorg rapat. So aku back off. Perit siot.  Tu last lah aku minat dtk lelaki. I mean, I started everything. The first text etc.  Apesal aku tak fight utk win hati F? Boleh je tapi masalahnya akak tu hot gila, aku still aku, very the simple one, no fame, nothing. Plus, cukup dah kot aku yg started everything, if F taknak, aku dah patut back off dah hahaha. Sbb in this cliche society, bila girls yg bukak step, there's pandangan sinis. ...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  I was lost in the field of love (with a real physical guy who actually exist hahaha) 5 times before this. Oh please dont judge, we all do stupid things when we were young. cewah. Just sharing things i have learnt : First guy. Things I learnt : - muda lagi, jgn bodoh sgt. 2nd guy. Things I learnt :  - moving on is a choice, it's do-able - i better start knowing my worth as a muslimah - if someone cares for you, care for them, dont keep them waiting - but dont do it, dont force yourself if you cant - speak up, nicely. - remember your limitation - even if he cheats on you, keep calm, slow talk - meeting up everyday could be boring and dull - dont fall in love too hard, it hurts when it has to end. 3rd guy. Things I learnt : - some things dont deserve your sacrifice - be true to yourself - texting 24/7 is unrealistic and tiring - dont give in to people who has no respect for y...