BOLD & SEPET

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :)  ----------------------------------------------------   i learnt something today, i want to share. tapi, POST PANJANG.   cuti aku start may 30, lebih sebulan ago. so aku ada tanya member2 bila balik kms semula, they said june 12. oh lalalala, lama lagiiii. kita enjoyyyy! you know what happened today? pls continue reading.        aku lepak makan dgn hanim dkt KL. pegi hard rock. wah excited lah ni dlm kereta. parking kereta lepastu order makanan. ttba masa nk order, shue text aku kata kena balik june 3, NOT june 12!!!! siap kena bank in duit yuran lagi. gila. mood dah lari. hello, aku tak prepare pape pun. tk review pun apabenda nk belajar semester 3 nnti. yg bestnya, ayah dh siap booked hotel dkt cameron highland from june 2-4. oh how nice. lagi la aku bengang.  so the whole day, aku cuba distract diri aku dgn makanan hah...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :)  ----------------------------------------------   cuti tinggal few days. i'll head back to banting on june 12. so these last few days i spent by reading. blogs and books. i read to improve my focus. yep, i love to it, but frankly you need to know there are so many types of readers in this world. im the one yg baru 25 page, dh terlelap, celik mata, grab the book, 25 pages more, terlelap lagi HAHAHAHA. i dont quite fathom how people read a thick book within a day. so these few days, i've been trying to read as fast as i can hahahaha. sbb rugi masa baca slowly. aku jenis yg baca dgn intonasi sekali dlm hati, tu yg terlelap tu. pastu satu novel amek masa lebih sehari sbb i cant resist reading them with intonation (dlm hati). gila.   ok thats not the point.   lately ni, aku selalu rasa insecure. pasal result, psl future etc. normal kot benda ni. cuma aku rasa sgt an...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) ------------------------------------- POST PANJANG . dulu, masa aku kecik, bila aku buat salah, mak ayah akan marah (normal ah kan), aku tak boleh terima. contoh kalau dorang suruh pakai selipar bila keluar rumah, aku tetap insist them with the idea that tak pakai selipar lagi senang. bila mak ayah marah kaw2, muka aku marah tapi mata dah berair. dlm hati? tak puas. kenapa idea aku (yg kemudiannya aku sedar adalah sangat bodoh) tidak diterima mereka. perkara ni berlanjutan sampai aku besar. the only person yg boleh marah aku balik and make me shut my mouth but eyes pooled are my parents. they really read me and can take control of myself when i went absurd hahahaha. i really need a husband that can bear my childishness. yeah, good luck on finding him, nesa.. -__- mungkin ego, mungkin sbb aku mmg degil sgt. someone once said to me "orang kena pandai main psychology dgn awak...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :)  ------------------------------------------------   Utk Mak Ayah (and my lil bros), hanya mereka dan tiada galang ganti. tiada jumlah harta yg mampu ganti mereka. segala penat lelah, terutama membesarkan baby yg kerek lagi grumpy lagi suka jerit mcm aku. aku masih ingat bila ayah cerita masa aku dah mula nak bercakap, aku asyik jerit2 je. aku duduk sorang dkt seat blkg, ayah suruh senyap, aku lg jerit2. bimbo baby. punya lah sabar depa melayan aku. aku tk pernah lagi rasa terlalu amat melampau risau dkt somebody. i wanted to feel it sbb all this while, i thought i am a selfish brat. i dont know how to care deeply. i looked at how mothers all around me. their faces.. priceless. adam told me "anak2 ni kekuatan utk mak".. i dont quite understand that. how an innocent soul could be your staunching strength? maybe one day i could understand it when i looked into my kids' eyes. pare...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :)  -------------------------------------------   wahai langit, tahu tak bila aku stress dkt kms dgn my inner thought, aku akan pandang kau dan lupa sekejap thing i have to deal with? mungkin aku tak boleh nak capai kau, wahai langit, tapi percaya lah kau buat ramai hamba Allah tersenyum gembira. aku antaranya. wahai kasut, walaupun kau bukan satu, tapi function kau tetap sama. bila aku pandang kasut yg aku tgh pakai dan aku mula rasa nak cari kasut baru padahal kau masih cantik dan elok, i would remember a quote that says "I was crying for shoes till I saw a man with no legs". sebak. wahai makanan, aku tahu kau yang paling aku cari lepas aku bangun tidur hahahaha, tapi ada masanya bila aku menanti yg lain utk makan bersama, aku pandang kau, terfikir sejenak dkt insan di luar sana yg sedang kelaparan. baik kerana tidak ada duit atau terpaksa berjimat. allah, lagi sebak. wa...

trip yang best tapi hambar pada mulanya sbb aku tertinggal IC. gila tragis masa dkt LCCT. lupakan la kan? dah lepas. lawak pun ada bila aku kenang balik. ini kali kedua aku naik flight. happy, i am. kundasang was a very peaceful place with awesome view, cuaca yg sejuk. nyaman masa dkt kundasang ni. dlm gmbr atas ni, blkg tu adalah gunung kinabalu. aku makan menghadap kinabalu beb. nice en? mmg awesome.  mana lagi aku pergi selain kundasang? well.. desa dairy farm - ala2 new zealand org kata. sejuk. tapi bau tak sedap. susu coklat sedap. penat bergambar. war memorial park - awesome view of mount kinabalu. garden yg cantik. agak sunyi. jambatan gantung - penat mendaki. jambatan bergoyang tu buat aku pening hahaha. manukan island - air tak clear sgt sebenarnya, tp aku enjoy tgk ikan swim near me. mcm boleh tangkap pastu goreng hahahaha. rumah terbalik - tmpt yg pelik, small compound tapi fun. aku pening masuk rmh tu sbb semua terbalik. tanjung aru - ini aw...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) ---------------------------------------- aku dekat sabah skrg ni. hadiah 10th monthsary, adam booked hotel dkt sabah ni. awesome gila walaupun ruang mandi hanya ada tirai hahahaha moden mungkin? :) tapi aku gembira. jujur. ini baru hari pertama. tadi musibah jadi pada aku. tengah hari tadi sebelum depart, aku baru perasan yg aku tertinggal IC. jawabnya, aku kena beli tcket baru. bayangkan. aku beli ticket baru, online check in, lepastu hanim datang picked up balik. ya allah sabar je lah. dah cukup macho dh aku td. masuk kereta terus melalak. god bless me, i have a new sister.  bayangkan kalau kau jadi aku. melalak wey. adam pujuk. dia suruh move on sbb dia taknak aku sedih masa tgh holiday. ini lah dia bila ada boyfriend yg gila travel. nmpk benor enthusiasm dia nak bagi kita happy. but im glad he's supporting me :') and surprisingly, mak ayah tak marah. harini cukup men...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) ------------------------------------------ i don't have any elder brother/sister, so i don't get the chance to be at their graduation day. hence, i've never attend any. i know people say it's the most joyful moment as a student but i just couldn't catch up with them. idk what God planned for me, but today i attend it. yes, i was excited :) looking at happy faces. those pretty girls who make me feel so insecure hahahaha. seriously, they looked stunning with their dresses, high heels, kim kardashian's kinda hair bla bla bla (you can imagine it). of course, the men. so handsome, i almost die. hahahaha. but i was looking at how both genders looked like upon graduation. their happy faces. i almost photo-bombed few families hahahaha accidently, of course!  subhanAllah. it was lively. i imagined myself in that situation. subhanaAllah. it would be so fun! i know i...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family. ----------------------------------------------- sometimes, when you woke up to a sad news. some parts of you were already searching for tomorrow.  with hope that tomorrow is better than today, perhaps. sometimes, truth is a pain not anyone can bear, you know. admit it, we once woke up to something that made us sit for awhile before burst into... tears, maybe? 2010, i remembered when somebody woke up me and tell me someone had passed away and it was 3am. i lost another angel that was so dear to me and i went back to my bed, persuaded myself that it was only a dream. yes, i failed to persuade myself. tears ran down my cheek. few things left and never come back, but if you ever had just one single chance to get it back, go for it. fight.for.it.

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) -------------------------------- today is just another typical day during semester break. the only difference is, i am cleaning up my room. yes, still in progress to finish it while i am typing this and it's 10.50pm now. my body is aching, seriously. few hours of cleaning up, i didn't realized that i fell asleep when i was taking break, hahahaha. it has been few months since the last time i did some cleaning works. a year, perhaps -___- can you imagine the dusts? sigh.  i was taken aback by few things as i was cleaning up. i found few of my sketch books. it was from 2008-2010, if im not mistaken. i didn't go through everything that i wrote there but i did read a few paragraphs. wow. it was wow. how much things have changed. how my mentality changed. how people left and came, some of them are still here and some left. i wish i would write more. so that 5 years by now,...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) --------------------------------------------- there was this one fine day that i went for dinner with my family at a local notorious restaurant. we usually have our dinner at restaurant, just so you know. so, dealing with the rude waiters etc are just another norm in my life. i usually go out as a simple girl. well, you could probably label me as someone who is very lazy to get dolled up. so on that one fine day, i went out wearing KMS shirt, typical worn out jeans and my lovely sneakers. yes, i am nothing near femininity. unless, few times of the month that i felt so. oh yeah, tudung also so serabai. no selendang lilit or bawal pinned on my shirt (the shoulder area), it was just my tudung petak that i pinned it together and let it sway before my stomach. you know, my bosom is the part i need to cover. so yeah, that pretty much make sense to my serabainess. oh im so good at making excuses...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family. have you ever felt inside you that you wanna pour it all out yet you don't how or to whom? have you ever felt so messed up inside? have you ever felt like all the things you did aint worth anything? have you ever felt you wanted to be heard but scared that the judgmental remarks might ripped out your sanity? have you ever felt that something good hurts you so bad? have you ever felt like you wanted to cry out everything but you hold that feeling and that freaking hurt you to the core? have you ever blame yourself for all the reasons behind that feeling? have you ever felt so guilty that you feel like giving up? have you ever look up to the sky and question everything? have you ever walk in an occasion full with the people you love but yet you feel inadequate of total joy? have you ever felt like sometimes you wanna stand up for yourself but you dont know how? have you ever fe...