BOLD & SEPET

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :)  ----------------------------------------------   cuti tinggal few days. i'll head back to banting on june 12. so these last few days i spent by reading. blogs and books. i read to improve my focus. yep, i love to it, but frankly you need to know there are so many types of readers in this world. im the one yg baru 25 page, dh terlelap, celik mata, grab the book, 25 pages more, terlelap lagi HAHAHAHA. i dont quite fathom how people read a thick book within a day. so these few days, i've been trying to read as fast as i can hahahaha. sbb rugi masa baca slowly. aku jenis yg baca dgn intonasi sekali dlm hati, tu yg terlelap tu. pastu satu novel amek masa lebih sehari sbb i cant resist reading them with intonation (dlm hati). gila.   ok thats not the point.   lately ni, aku selalu rasa insecure. pasal result, psl future etc. normal kot benda ni. cuma aku rasa sgt an...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family. have you ever felt inside you that you wanna pour it all out yet you don't how or to whom? have you ever felt so messed up inside? have you ever felt like all the things you did aint worth anything? have you ever felt you wanted to be heard but scared that the judgmental remarks might ripped out your sanity? have you ever felt that something good hurts you so bad? have you ever felt like you wanted to cry out everything but you hold that feeling and that freaking hurt you to the core? have you ever blame yourself for all the reasons behind that feeling? have you ever felt so guilty that you feel like giving up? have you ever look up to the sky and question everything? have you ever walk in an occasion full with the people you love but yet you feel inadequate of total joy? have you ever felt like sometimes you wanna stand up for yourself but you dont know how? have you ever fe...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) -------------------------------------------------- Minggu Gila. Aku rasa minggu ni cukup gila. Gila penuh air mata, penuh drama, penuh umpatan, penuh dosa. Muahaha. Selama aku sekolah dkt SSAAS, jujurnya, aku jarang ada masalah member. Mungkin sebab aku bukan jenis nk touching lebih bila member tinggalkan aku, pegi lepak tk ajak, pastu emo tak bertegur bagai. Tenang bro, aku manusia, masih punya rasa. Memang terasa hati, tapi kita chillex ah kan. Yang bersalah tu pun, bagusnya tk play dumb act innocent. So ada justice sikit and tkda la gaduh bagai. Aku rasa dulu masa sekolah rendah ah issue gaduh bagai ni hebat dilakonlayarkan -___-" most of my friends dkt SSAAS, jenis yg reti mengalah. Aku boleh buat konklusi yg dorang ni simple-minded and telus. Kau salah, kau admit, kau malu, kau jgn  ulang lagi. Settle. Fakta sekarang ni, semua orang pun buat salah. So, bila tak mengaku salah ...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) --------------------------------------------- Oh Ya Allah, I ask forgiveness from You for the things I did and continue to do, intentionally or unintentionally. I pray that I'll find my way out. I pray that my problems will resolve. I pray that I found my inner peace. I pray that I have enough rezeki and  be content with whatever You have prescribed for me. I pray for strength to stay motivated. I pray for strength when nobody is my listener. I pray for strength when my result ain't astonishing as others. I pray for strength to care not whether I get my beauty sleep. I pray for a companion that will guide me through. I pray for productivity, even if it is tiny ones. I pray for strength to face PSPM2. I pray for a way out. Dear Allah, I have nobody to listen to me, actually. It hurts when nobody listens, when my little things are annoyances ...

I haven't been blogging lately. Surely I don't know what have gotten into me. Study has been a drab. If you asked me to sit for final exam now, I would have been kicked out from the college right after the result is published. Sigh.. Kinda have to admit that when the final exam is near, I am freaking out. I just gotta do lots of things. To revise, to read, to memorise. Goshhh, I have forgotten my first chapter of chemistry for this sem. Such a short term memory.. I've seen my girls in class are striving hard. Fyi, my class are listed among the best class for PDT. We have 4 people with astonishing result. They got 4 flats, you know.. BIG SHAME ON ME. Well, I don't study hard enough hahahaha obviously. Now I feel like collapsing. Final is on April 22. I have another one month to err.. struggle, they say. I can foresee myself crying while studying hahahaha. I seriously am in minor depression actually. You see, there are times in class that I would tear a bit thinking o...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) ---------------------------------------------------- Bila aku fikir balik, lagi few months aku genap 19 tahun. Hello, rasa mcm baru semalam jadi 14. Mcm baru semalam lap hingus dkt lengan baju, bila balik Mak ngamuk. Rasa mcm baru semalam aku daftar masuk SSI. Cemburu sungguh masa pada aku. Semua benda berubah. MashaAllah.. Aku berubah tak? Better or worse? Worse, I think. Allah Maha Penyayang je yang jaga my behind the scenes sins.. I mean, semua org dijaga oleh Dia. I bet kalau Dia kejam, semua org pun malu dgn perangai sendiri sbb semua live showing dkt dahi. Tapi Dia cover baikkk punya kita punya aib. MashaAllah.. Tahun ni tahun terakhir umur aku start dgn digit "1". So sentimental. Bolehkah aku dilabel dewasa lepasni? Tak. Nak. Aku nak jadi kanak 2 ! Sigh. Ah, umur dah 19 pun kdg 2 perangai mcm kanak 2 HAHA! Aku rasa berperangai kanak 2 tak menunjukkan aku...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) ---------------------------------------------------------- Kadang-kadang perubahan tu perit, pada aku. Bila kau dah familiar dgn that place, mesti takdir heret kau pergi tempat lain pulak. Drpd aku masih toddler, aku baru sedar aku selalu pindah. Pindah rumah, pindah sekolah. Orang lain ada 1 sekolah, aku ada 2. Sepatutnya aku dah lali dah tukar 2 environments ni, tapi makin tua makin mengada. Dulu masa sekolah rendah, aku mana peduli pisah dgn kawan lama. Lagi aku excited, hehe..  Tapi mungkin semakin besar aku semakin pandai lihat dunia sekeliling dan pandai sayang dan jaga hati orang lain. Sebab sayang, rasa berat hati nak lepaskan. Tapi takdir nak memanggil, so aku terpaksa jugak pergi (pindah actually. ayat kena emosi sikit sbb aku nak beremosi.)  Jadi manusia yg too-attached ni payah. Aku la tu. Aku rasa mcm that is the utter stupidity I owned. Pa...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) ---------------------------------------------- Hujan dekat luar. Mood aku jadi gloomy suddenly. Tiba-tiba aku tersedar, aku ada lagi 2 hari je cuti sebelum semester 2 mula. Disaster. Penat aku menangis. Apa benda yang aku nangiskan pun aku tak faham. Pelik ah. Belum bersedia agaknya. Lepasni mula balik lah rutin aku kan? Bangun awal, pegi kelas, balik kelas, study, jog, study, tidur. Rutin yg takda apa sgt bagi aku. Tapi tanggungjawab kan, kena lah go with the flow, keep calm, just do it, don't quit. Dah takdir benda ni. Org lain relax dkt diploma. Takpa. Biar aku mentally tortured dkt KMS. I'll be somebody I never think I'd be, insyaAllah.  Nak pujuk hati sendiri memang payah sebenarnya. Terima kasih kepada bantal, kau teman aku nangis banyak kali dah. Aku pulak asyik lupa nak basuh kau. Sigh, gila dah nesa ni ckp dgn bantal.. -______-"

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) ----------------------------------------- It's time to move on, nesa.. Seriously, it is.

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) --------------------------------------- Im in the car heading back to Shah Alam from Langkawi.  It was fun and exhilirating, I'll be posting about it soon.  I love this feeling. In car, listening to my favourite tracks from my favourite bands, full blast volume. Heading back to a city which was once happened to be a city I despised. How time flies and so many miracles happened. I can not say more to picturize my gratitude. With all the lovely people around me, I was born to be blessed.  So much things changed as so much to learn. Well at least this year, I learnt quite a few lessons that will insyaAllah be bore till He knows when. Sometimes, growing up is the best gift ever. The time when He tested you and you grow from that. Bit by bit, each day. That's when you grow up. It's either you grow wiser or dumber.  And that solitary moment when it's j...