BOLD & SEPET

Diari Subuh. Minggu 14, Semester 3. KMS. Isnin (September 23, 2014) 5.51am. Tersentak aku dari tidur, dalam beberapa saat, tergerak hati (dan otak yg masih loading) utk bersiap ke surau. Aku berharap ini adalah calling from Allah yg diturunkan dlm bentuk gerak hati. Mungkin Allah rindu aku. Jadi aku terus bangkit, menuju ke surau.  MashaAllah, byknya selipar. Bagus adik-adik junior sem ni. Tiba-tiba aku rasa mungkin adik-adik ini adalah batch yg mentally kuat. Bukan senang nak ke surau utk solat jemaah, especially subuh.   Jemaah lelaki masih boleh dihitung guna jari. Itu first impression. Iqomat berkumandang dan solat didirikan. MashaAllah, aku jenguk ke bahagian bawah, penuh saf lelaki yang pertama! Malah ada saf kedua!  Allahurabbi, jadikan mereka itu pemimpin kuat.  Aku terbaca artikel dkt FB psl solat subuh jemaah mlm tadi. Diceritakan solat subuh berjemaah (SSB) boleh menjadikan seorang muslim itu kuat dan penulis kata, semasa beliau ...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) Yesterday was a day I learnt about parenthood. It was as if Allah was teaching me indirectly about parenthood. Whole my life, I always think my parents are perfect. Every opinion from them is legit and applicable as my preference. As my stance. I mean, their opinion made me think life is as what they opinionated. If they indirectly scold me with ABCD, then I would think life is like ABCD. Senang cite, gua mcm takda pendirian sendiri. Aku tak pasti aku ni tak cukup exploring ke fikir ke apa. My aunt once said "kau ni hidup dlm shadow mak ayah kau la".. She's a psychologist. Hence, I think she has a point. I think, as you grow up, you gotta have stance. Stance is like a mental posture, your own point of view. In malay, pendirian. My mom always said "people without stance won't succeed". My dad says "attitude is veryyyyyyyy impo...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) -------------------------------- My previous post was regarding an explanation to the break up of Adam and I, which currently, we are back like normal. We try to solve things together. Better, I hope. I can not foresee the future, I can not tell how things are going to be like, but at least I could try for one last shot. I hope things get better between us. Midterm exam has ended though. Idk how my grades are gonna be like. Idk how am I doing. Better or worse. Semester 3 is the semester which I think is the worse ever. A semester whereby Im lost. Hahahaha! I think it's what all the lecturers said "semester bdk2 hanyut".. Well, mari kita lihat result midterm gua. Belle, Me, Syakirah. Looking at pictures in my phone's gallery, I realized that I have changed. I looked rather matured -___-" I don't want to grow up :(

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) ------------------------------------------ week 8 means, mid semester test is around the corner. this semester is the semester that time fleets too fast. too fast that i cant catch up with the rhythm. but i guess that is how life rolls. unexpectedly challenging. that is when fun starts to seep in our daily routine. my english lecturer said that nothing in life is boring. it's the way you see it and alter it. life is boring though. esp when the workloads are taxing. adam goes to work everyday before dawn and he always reminds  me that if i complain, i gotta think of others who had to work triple harder than me (that is, him). i guess he's trying to drag me to bear our duties together. towards a future together. im glad to have humble friends in my room now. esp my former roommate. wallahi i love that girl though she's a victim of my random jokes and sarcasm. gosh, i ne...

somehow in life, you wished some things never happened. though it happened because you let them happened. that, my friend, is regret. it happened to all of us. regret is here, within us. some chose to ignore, some chose to overcome. as you walked through life, regret will haunt you. break you. but it's always a choice. Allah promised to be there, for you, though somehow you feel shattered when you were left alone. you wanted a way out from the burden you've hanged on for some period of time. painful, it is. life wont promised you a guaranteed bliss. nobody will ever guaranteed anything. but that is when faith seeps in you. faith keeps you going. faith embrace you. faith enlightens you because it shines the darkest route. install faith to everyone you'll meet. because only faith that keeps you going. the very last hope for you. believe. in other words. it will bring you 'there'. it's your last hope.

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) ------------------------------------------ terkedu kejap aku bila aku tulis title. sem3?????? laju gila masa berjalan. dah WEEK 6 pulak tu. ada remaining 12 weeks sebelum final PSPM 3. lepastu SEM 4. mashaAllah :) minggu antara minggu yg paling laju sekali berjalan. banyak benda jadi minggu ni. Isnin. - friendly match hoki dgn sekolah PROJEK Selasa-Rabu. - tkde mende jadi. Khamis. - hanya kelas pertama dan quiz je aku pegi, pastu aku terlentang atas katil, longlai. it's the time of the month, biasa lah tu. Jumaat. - balik dgn KMS buddies naik train. agak awal smpai rmh. impressive! UPS is within few weeks. naik cuti raya terus exam. gila. ada few things that i need to catch up. contoh : kimia. energy level diagram aku masih terkial2 lagi. nak nangis jwb quiz. sem ni kena dapat wayyyyyy better than both sem lepas. baru aku tak mengah nak kejar masa sem 4 nanti. ...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) kita semua perlu supporter, baik seorang rakan atau darah daging sendiri. pernah seorang rakan, begitu setia dibelakang aku. itu yg aku nampak. lalu aku percaya dia sahabat yg baik. hilang dlm ingatan bila terakhir kali aku rasa begitu. punyai seorang teman se-cool dia. masa berjalan dan aku bermusafir. ya Allah, seorang teman yg sejati juga buat tenang hati. hari demi hari, jika ada hambaNya yg dtg bawa kebaikan, aku terima dia sebagai teman. setia atau tidak hambanya Dia itu, aku tolak tepi. aku terima dia dan kebaikan yg dibawanya. aku gendong kebaikan itu atas nama Allah. dlm diam aku hormati teman itu. biar buruk lisannya, tapi kebaikannya yg aku fokuskan. biar kecil, aku besarkan. bila tiba masa utk dia pergi, aku relakan. kebaikannya tetap aku gendong. keburukannya cuba aku tu...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) berjalanlah kamu di atas muka bumi ini, tanpa rasa sombong. selitkan rasa malu. kukuhkan beranimu. Tuhan mmg sengaja membiarkan kita, dgn masalah kita sendiri. mungkin cuma itu ruang utk kita kembali. seringkali kita penat berdoa, tidak sekali doa itu makbul. lalu kita berhenti berdoa. seringkali juga kita berdoa, dan makbul doa itu. lalu kita lupa utk terus diberi kekuatan berdoa. berdoa lah satu-satunya jambatan. jambatan menuju Dia. doa beri ketenangan. umpama bercakap dgn Ya Rahman. doa lah penyambung iman. iman itu percaya. percaya pada Allah. berdoalah. tanpa henti. agar imanmu sentiasa bersambung menuju Allah.

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) --------------------------------------- bila hujan turun, lalu kita dongak dan ucap "syukur Allah..", malaikat sibuk menulis pahala buat kita, kanan terutamanya. lalu kita tetap berjalan menuju tanggungjawab, siang dan malam, bila masalah dtg merudum, terduduk kita dibuatnya. mungkin nangis, mungkin migrain. lalu kita dongak kembali ke atas, menyatakan betapa tidak adilnya hidup ini. beza dgn hujan tadi. hujan itu kurnia Tuhan. sama jugak masalah kita. syukur lah, hujan dan masalah meletakkan warna pada hidup. dan itu semua kurnia Tuhan. Allahurabbi..

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) ----------------------------------------- just in few days time, Ramadhan visits us for a month. semoga Allah beri peluang utk kita semua lalui bulan mulia ini. semoga Ramadhan kali ini kita diberi cahaya olehNya. semoga amalan kita diterima. semoga Allah lebih sayang kan kita semua yg penuh dosa dan sering lalai ini. Ramadhan, kau datang lagi menyapa kami.. bulan yg penuh barakah, bulan ketenangan beribadah.. rindu ke masjid di malam hari utk terawih, rindu ketenangan itu.. malam yg dihabiskan di masjid, berdiri menunaikan solat bersama saudara seislam yg lain.. Ramadhan, terangi hati kami dgn cahayaNya.

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) -------------------------------- itu ayah. hahahahaha!! nama aku, ayah aku yang bagi. aku rasa mmg cliche utk seorang perempuan meletakkan ayahnya sebagai hero pertama. ayah seorang yang sangat tenang. jarang sangat dia nak grumpy ke marah2. dia jenis tak banyak cakap tapi tk reti duduk diam. muka dia garang tapi dia tak garang. kena pandai approach. hati dia lembut. kalau dkt rmh, jarang nk nmpk dia duduk meleset dpn tv unless ada F1 atau tournaments. berita pun jarang.  it's either dia mengemas rumah, basuh pinggan, menyapu etc. yes, he did those things. while kami yg lain meleset hahahaha. lepastu dia pergi kerja pagi, dia balik lepas maghrib. still, larat bawak kami pergi mkn, melayan kami. lepas makan dkt luar (ini rutin), dia spend time dpn tv dgn mak or adik. kdg2, dia tidur paling lewat. aku tk tahu drpd mana dtg tenaga dia -___- ayah aku juga seperti ayah o...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) -------------------------------- can't believe that i am currently in my 3rd semester in matrix. well, im trying to clear up the things i should. still trying to holding on. not to give up as i have less than a year to finish matrix mundane life. i think it's a time where i get to decide who i should be in the future. it's a whole big thing now. one thing for sure is, i just wanna be happy. nobody said it's impossible. all praise be to Allah because He is not cruel for he allows us to choose bliss over woe.  they say semester 3 would be the crucial point of life in matrix where the real test will take over. semester 3 would be the toughest, they say. looking at the chapters that i would have to digest, i reckoned that they speak the truth.  however, my weekend went wasted like always hahahaha. talking too much, huh? perhaps i still assume that it's only the 2nd wee...

Love is when... -Aku mampu ucap alhamdulillah pada saat susah. That ability, Dia bagi. -Mak masak kan something and bekal kan utk aku bwk balik KMS. That is eternal love. -Ayah tak kesah belanja utk aku walaupun permintaan aku tu umpama investment yg belum nyata lg hasilnya di dunia ni. Dkt akhirat aku harap ada bahagian drpd Dia utk ayah n mak. -Adam menguap tapi masih gagah nak cakap dgn tuan puteri dia ni. -Aku bwk kereta mcm org gila tp adik2 muka cool je dkt blkg. -Cikgu2 lama reply msgs aku. Sebenarnya terlalu byk cinta dlm hidup aku. Mungkin setiap hari aku patut kira cinta yg ada. Mungkin cinta pada Dia masih lagi mcm tiang yg reput, tapi aku harap niat aku utk tukar tiang tu jadi kenyataan satu masa nanti. Aku tk tahu bila tapi sekarang adalah masa utk realize berapa byk cinta yg aku ada.  Cinta adalah bila kita melihat sesuatu tanpa prejudis. Cinta adalah apabila sesorang berdoa dlm senyap utk mu. Cinta adalah apabila seseorang kisah pada setiap perilaku mu.  Hari de...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم   Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :)  ---------------------------------   POST PANJANG .   Okay lah, mari admit yang 1st week of semester 3 berlalu dgn sgt laju. Aku rasa mcm pergi kelas drpd pagi sampai petang tu mcm 2-3 jam je duration dia. laju sungguh masa berjalan. sedar tak sedar dah jumaat. masa utk balikkkkkkkkkkkkkk! hahahaha!   alhamdulillah.   ok mari kita ranting pulak.    1) Result sem lepas. alhamdulillah. adam kata result aku tu kalau dkt uni dh jd dekan dh. petang amek result tu aku down sikit sbb aku rasa ketinggalan. aku call mak ayah, hehehe dorang happy! gila wehhhh! im back on track! waktu dgr reaction dorang tu, aku rasa mcm "janji mak ayah aku happy, dunia tkda benda dh bg aku" muahahaha!! and adam, this guy, so loyal :) tggu result sama2 dgn aku. dia balik kerja dia pesan "sayang dh dapat result jgn bgthu dulu k? tggu saya call :)".. dia punya la ...

Alhamdulillah . Awal pagi lagi aku dh bangun, melawan ngantuk dan keterbiasaan bermalasan atas katil. Packed everything and forced myself to sleep. Ayah kejut sbb dh nak grk, bersiap and we headed to KMS. Oh aku rasa sangat lah liat nak gerak. Well, terpaksa aku buat tk layan dgn ke-liat-an diri.  Smpai KMS.  Aku personally rasa system dia nonsense ah. Dah la kami kena balik tiba2. Baru berangan nk berjimba bagai. Hm. Semester ni, bdk2 matriks Kelantan tumpang KMS, so mmg overloaded lah. Dorg dh register awal. Kami yg senior jd mangsa tidur merempat dkt bilik belajar lah, bilik solat lah, bilik tv lah hahahaha. Ditakdirkan aku dpt bilik belajar, 13 org satu bilik. Kau bayangkan! Hahahaha! Lama dh aku tk duduk reramai gini weh. Dulu 2007 masa dkt Aspuri Johor. At first, my KMS girls dpt blok lain2 semua. Tapi kami diberi kelonggaran nak tukar without even asking hehe maka, kami semua satu bilik sekarang. The 5 of us. Lagi sorang dkt blok lain. Plug pun dkt, senang nak charge ph...

POST INI SANGAT PANJANG. It's 12.37am and I cant sleep though my back hurts so bad like I carry a 9-month baby and my eyes hurt like they're screamin in agony. Yes, my body is tired but my brain refused to relax. These past few days (in fact, months), my relationship has been disrespected by some people. Some left after further discussions but that youknowwho just wont budge.  I frankly dont fathom what is it with me or about me that made youknowwho stranded and still cant move on. Perhaps I was the loveliest of all youknowwho's exes hahahaha!  I respect youknowwho for what he held on his past. His untamed behaviour, his history and sorts. When the society still has bad perceptions about him (at that time when I was still his gf), I stand to defend the idea that he has changed though I secretly am disappointed with the truth. Vulgar words, offensive remarks, deep-pain sarcasms were still there. Ever since I knew him, I tried my very best to respect him and be patient. Turne...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :)  -------------------------------------   Coming to a thought that going back to KMS isn't that bad is somehow ridiculous. This morning I woke up and think "dkt sana ada shue, ika, ezza, tashe etc.. not that bad actually". So after subuh I grabbed a new book and start reading it though I barely had enough sleep last night, I slept at 3am. Oh boy, my eyes.. suddenly I realized today's date! Waaaaa, time really flies. So, being lame, I thought of writing few resolutions. Azam tu kena setiap hari hahahaha walaupun tak buat :p  When I was thinking of what I want to do.. I came across an online blogshop. I stared at the models with their attires and hijab. Hmmmm.. these ladies..  Aku rasa lately ni trend pakai tudung labuh dada tu semakin diterima ramai. well, bagus lah. aku pun terikut jugak. kdg2 tu lupa daratan gak, tapi ada tukang ingat kan. tapi kdg2 aku rasa su...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :)  ----------------------------------------------------   i learnt something today, i want to share. tapi, POST PANJANG.   cuti aku start may 30, lebih sebulan ago. so aku ada tanya member2 bila balik kms semula, they said june 12. oh lalalala, lama lagiiii. kita enjoyyyy! you know what happened today? pls continue reading.        aku lepak makan dgn hanim dkt KL. pegi hard rock. wah excited lah ni dlm kereta. parking kereta lepastu order makanan. ttba masa nk order, shue text aku kata kena balik june 3, NOT june 12!!!! siap kena bank in duit yuran lagi. gila. mood dah lari. hello, aku tak prepare pape pun. tk review pun apabenda nk belajar semester 3 nnti. yg bestnya, ayah dh siap booked hotel dkt cameron highland from june 2-4. oh how nice. lagi la aku bengang.  so the whole day, aku cuba distract diri aku dgn makanan hah...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :)  ----------------------------------------------   cuti tinggal few days. i'll head back to banting on june 12. so these last few days i spent by reading. blogs and books. i read to improve my focus. yep, i love to it, but frankly you need to know there are so many types of readers in this world. im the one yg baru 25 page, dh terlelap, celik mata, grab the book, 25 pages more, terlelap lagi HAHAHAHA. i dont quite fathom how people read a thick book within a day. so these few days, i've been trying to read as fast as i can hahahaha. sbb rugi masa baca slowly. aku jenis yg baca dgn intonasi sekali dlm hati, tu yg terlelap tu. pastu satu novel amek masa lebih sehari sbb i cant resist reading them with intonation (dlm hati). gila.   ok thats not the point.   lately ni, aku selalu rasa insecure. pasal result, psl future etc. normal kot benda ni. cuma aku rasa sgt an...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) ------------------------------------- POST PANJANG . dulu, masa aku kecik, bila aku buat salah, mak ayah akan marah (normal ah kan), aku tak boleh terima. contoh kalau dorang suruh pakai selipar bila keluar rumah, aku tetap insist them with the idea that tak pakai selipar lagi senang. bila mak ayah marah kaw2, muka aku marah tapi mata dah berair. dlm hati? tak puas. kenapa idea aku (yg kemudiannya aku sedar adalah sangat bodoh) tidak diterima mereka. perkara ni berlanjutan sampai aku besar. the only person yg boleh marah aku balik and make me shut my mouth but eyes pooled are my parents. they really read me and can take control of myself when i went absurd hahahaha. i really need a husband that can bear my childishness. yeah, good luck on finding him, nesa.. -__- mungkin ego, mungkin sbb aku mmg degil sgt. someone once said to me "orang kena pandai main psychology dgn awak...