BOLD & SEPET

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Pada aku, 2014 adalah tahun yang berwarna-warni. Januari. Aku mula kan hari pertama 2014 di Hospital Selayang melawat lecturer.  Febuari. Aku hilang 4s yg all this while has been my boyfriend through thick and thin. Aku tak faham mcm mana a phone can gives so much impact after its lost. Separuh jiwa ku pergi, you know.  March. Bulan yg normal, pergi kelas balik kelas.  April. Mula rancak nak final exam, girangnya hati menanti hari terakhir di matrikulasi. Peh, terbaik beb masa tu. Tamat lah 2 tahun yg penuh seksa dan suka di matrikulasi.  May. Aku ke Korea selama seminggu setelah berposak bekerja dan jimat duit.  June. Sambut my 20th birhday dekat Camp5, wall climb sampai lebam, makan sampai tembam also lol. Had my first karaoke session on that day.  July. Went through a tough week menyiapkan tempahan jahit manik. Matrics result came out and I was freaking thankful to Allah that all my har...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم   Aku jenis yg suka untuk jujur. Tak sedap, aku kata tak sedap. tak cantik, aku kata tak cantik. Tapi aku masih sedar yg output aku kena lah berlapik, tak boleh main taram je. Nanti aku mereput dlm liang lahad sbb mulut laser masa hidup. Jadi di sini, aku nak jujur lah.  Sekarang musim study week utk dak 2 degree, so aku nak jujur yg aku study cuma 10%. Betul beb. 10% ni tahap kalau duduk exam, aku terus dismiss, nauzubillah. Fakta lagi satu, esok hari last study week dan aku masih di takuk 10%. Eh tak, ni bukan propaganda typical students yg dah study tapi ckp tak study. Bukan ye kanak-kanak sekalian. how time flies and i think my look changed. no, my size changed. hahaha! Selasa dpn ni aku kena sit paper law, pendek cerita, rabu lepas baru dtg semangat nak study, tiba 2 aku check dlm bag, buku law aku tinggal dkt kolej rupanya. Arghhhhhh!! Sendiri fikir lah mcm mana aku nak study. Kesudahannya, segala buku aku bwk balik h...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Situation 1 : There was this one particular day, I woke up kinda late and skipped my morning classes, attended only evening class. It was a really blurry day, my brain was loading quite slowly as I started my day absurdly late. Later then, I was at Siti Aminah when I saw an old man sat and ate lunch alone. That kind of view really broke my heart. I saw bits of rice on his cheeks as he ate quite messily. I felt like helping him. I watched as he finished eating lunch. Still, he didn't realize the bits of rice on his cheeks and near his lips. Oh poor old man.. his eyes were filled with tiredness from his past life. His face looked like he had been through so much. I assumed that Allah was talking to me, He was giving that view to touch my heart and take me back to the roots and make me realized that there are people around me who aren't as lucky as I am. I was touched, my eyes nearly pooled. If you ever encounter this situation, how would ...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  As I enrolled International Business for my degree, I am opt to be a part of International Business Unity Club (IBUC) member till the end of my study here in UiTM Melaka City Campus. On Dec 13th, A Gala Night was held at Holiday Inn, Bandar Melaka and well, I must admit that it was so satisfying! The food, the crowd, the performances. Alhamdulillah, we're blessed. I felt like paying RM55 for such event is worthy. The hall was stunning. It was just a moderately big-sized hall, but it felt lively.  Oh please ask what I ate haha because I ate everything except kuih. Spaghetti carbonara, lamb, sweet sour fish fillet, black pepper chicken, white rice. mushroom soup, bread, fruits and a lot of fruits haha. It was superbly goodddd. Ok, terliur..  these 2 girls can never let me go :p my housemates, roommates, classmates! so called ootn :p too bad this pic with my classmates who came for the dinner is blurry.....

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Pada minggu ini, aku bersama rakan-rakan telah dikurniakan (more like dihempap) assignments yg menggunung harus disubmit. Seperti di matrikulasi, mungkin aku ni dah lupa diri, the final weeks before final exam are usually the busiest evahhhhhhhh. Dulu dekat matriks, masa ni la aku berposak settle kan past year questions sampai lebam.  Now, di kehidupan degree, tiada past year yg aku sentuh muahahaha. Ok tipu. Ada satu je. Tapi kalau nak compare prestasi dulu dan skrg, amat lah jauh jurangnya. Aku boleh kata kan yg semester pertama ni lebih terisi dgn teater, tapi salahnya tetap pada aku. Eh sync pulak dgn tajuk teater haritu lol.  Skrg dah week 13. Next week adalah yg terakhir sebelum study week. Otak aku sedang terisi sebanyak 10% ilmu dari kuliah. Paling power. Tak tau cemana nak hadap paper nanti. I literally mean 10% okay. Price floor pun kenot explain well. How la... Semalam, pukul 5 pagi kami tidur buat presentation Economy ...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  POST YG PANJANG. SILA TABAH. Maaf, aku tak sempat nak update sbb kekangan masa.  Cuti weekend telah tiba, mari lah kita blogging! [Throwback] Selaku manusia yg dipertanggungjawabkan dan dipercayai utk membawa watak Shah Hamdan, aku nak berterima kasih dgn lirik kata yg panjang. Harap bersabar kalau saudara/ri pilih utk membaca lirik kata ini.  Utk Allah Yang Maha Mengetahui dan Maha Penyayang, yang telah secara randomnya memberi aku intuisi utk pergi audisi, aku panjatkan rasa syukur yg tak terhingga kerana tanpa takdir aku menghadiri audisi tempoh hari, aku mungkin jd bangkai berguna di bilik kolej bertemankan nota-nota yg bosan lagi sepi. Sememangnya teater itu memanusiakan manusia, bak kata Tuan Pengarah ku yg dihormati. Dek kerana takdirNya yg power ini, aku dapat melihat kebesaranNya berada dimana-mana. Utk keluarga yg datang all the way from Shah Alam tanpa beritahu aku langsung, ta...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Well, honestly lah, I haven't been focusing much on my studies these last few days haha because Im just too engrossed with theater. Not that theater really filled up my life (we repeatedly do the same things, it's mundane) but I can't seemed to multitask these days.  Pementasan teater cuma tinggal 2 hari je lagi. Laju gila masa berjalan, tak sempat aku nak main-main. Aku mmg suka tak take serious benda, itu hobi haha. Being serious gives me headache. Tapi since last run-through, aku rasa mcm tersedar bahawa sebuah pementasan teater tu jadi power bukan semata sbb pelakon utama yg power, tp sbb usaha-sama yg power dr semua pihak yg terlibat, baik watak kecik, props, make up, MC, stage manager etc.  Maka, aku pun mula bangun dr lena dan mula sync kan usaha yg power bersama crew yg lain yg sudah aku anggap mcm keluarga sendiri dkt Melaka ni.  abaikan tarikh all these pics haha. this was sesi make up pertama utk ktorg...

[Via apps] Ahad smlm aku ada latihan lg mcm biasa. Cuma lebih intense. Shah perlu meraung level 10, max. Otak aku jem teruk bila babak tu. Tapi di bantu oleh Man dan Ily, aku menangis dpn cermin sampai tersedu-sedan. Tak ingat bila aku last nangis teruk camtu. Its just so hard to shed tears these days. That's when I realized that my feelings dah numbed. I get too engrossed with crying and now I'm immune. Not even my problems can make me cry. Aku rabak menangis sbb cerita from Man and Ily. Padu sgt. What makes me cry even harder was how much I realized that I have been blessed with such a smooth life. Maybe la ada bumps here and there but not as much as others. I cried harder when I realized there were things yg fixed and I can't change, things or people I can't own or etc and I realized how much Allah loved me for I have been blessed with blissful family, good health, good friends, enough food and water etc. Allahurabbi... I cried harder at that. Bila aku sedar ...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Semalam, aku tak pasti kenapa, tapi semua benda random. Tiba-tiba sebelum tidur aku flashback semua benda yg dah jadi for the past 2 months that I started my life here in Melaka. Every details, pastu aku sengih sorang. Aku sengih sebab aku happy. Life dkt sini tak perfect. In fact, aku pun tak tahu mcm mana life yg perfect. Takda benda pun yg perfect dlm hidup kita ni. Dlm sesi termenung smlm, aku tersedar sebenarnya apa yg jadi ni semua perfect. Why? Sebab Allah yg kasi settle semuanya. Siapa aku akan jumpa, apa aku akan jadi, apa aku akan belajar, apa aku akan rasa etc. Power jugak sesi termenung aku semalam. Tiba-tiba aku rasa aku jadi Plato pkl 3-4pagi tu. Ye mmg betul aku tak berada dlm keadaan yg okay. Ye mmg betul semua tekaan dorang, tapi weh, hidup kena kasi settle gak kan? Kena gak bangun and function sikit.  Walaupun sesi termenung smlm hampir membawa aku kpd kancah kesedihan (apakah kebangangan ini), aku cuba kata pada diri...

[Via apps] Kdg2 ada hari yg body clock aku pelik. Tidur lmbt bgn awal, tp fresh lps bgn tu. Lepas tu bila aku kaji, baru aku sedar, kalau badan aku rasa fresh, itu semua dr Allah, kuasa Allah. Sbb aku bkn jenis tidur lmbt. I'm such a baby, tidur kena cukup, kalau tk aku grumpy. Kena take a nap masa siang also haha. Lepas tu bila Allah dah bg camtu, ada hari yg aku paksa gak tidur sbb tidur tu nikmat dunia. Tp ada hari yg aku suka tetap berpagi-pagian selepas solat subuh. Contoh, baca Quran satu page, baca Economy, menghabiskan buku yg berhabuk atas rak, ikut Mak Ayah gi breakfast, duduk dkt balkoni rumah kolej ni sambil tgk view and sun rise and have a sip of hot Milo. Pagi mmg saat indah ciptaan Allah. Sejuk lagi nyaman mmg sesuai utk kulit buaya mcm aku. Dulu dkt matrixs, perkara plg aku suka setiap pagi adalah dgr kicauan burung dan hayati tenangnya embun pagi. Peh ayat puitis lol. Yasmin tahu mcm mana aku suka these things. Nanti ada suami, aku heret dia pegi dating awal pa...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Im not sure what is going with me these days but Im getting back the mood for more vlogs. The last time I had an attempt to do a vlog was during my trip to Korea but due to certain reasons, I can't do it and yes, it saddened me to the core. Hello, who gets to travel to Korea frequently? Im not a royal blood duhh hahaha. When I was in school, I enjoy recording moments with my friends, I made videos for my friends' birthdays etc. I enjoyed recording random things, put it together and see the outcome. Such bliss is weird actually haha. Year 2008 was the year when Ayah bought 450d for me. I was the happiest but then a year later, it had problem with the autofocus for quite a long time till I almost finished my matriculation study programme, which is this year. The cost to repair was absurd haha hence those years of hiatus.  While 450d was resting, I used RICOH to shoot videos and snap pictures. Not that I know all the cinematography-photo...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  So, this is the official trailer of teater SALAHKAH AKU...?  Aku still geram/segan/malunyaaa sebab starting dah muka sendiri. Dah la mata aku masa starting tu mcm nak taknak bukak. Sakai hahahaha. Aku mmg ada masalah artikulasi, sebutan words tak cukup bulat dan clear. Nevertheless, trailer ni cukup power pada aku. Trust me when I said, time shooting ni tengah panas terik gila babs punya woiiii. Tu yg aku tak leh bukak mata, pastu duk berkerut je memanjang  -_-" but it was a great day with great people (Alan, Man, Suzie and Jiji). Pementasan ada lebih kurang 16 hari lagi. Berdebar beb. Aku mengharapkan satu benda je. Bukan auditorium penuh, bukan aku hafal skrip. Bukan itu semua. Aku cuma harap aku ikhlas utk segala kerja keras demi menjayakan teater ni.  Ikhlas is the only thing that will keep me going. Aku harap aku ikhlas datang latihan setiap hari, berpeluh-peluh, berposak, terjerit-jerit atas stage, teresak-esak...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Tak semua orang appear happy sebab dia happy. Tak semua orang suka nak confront what had happened in the past. Kita semua tahu takda sapa boleh undone a history. History will remain as history.  Tuhan, hati aku yg rabak ni mmg kerdil valuenya pd certain jembalang tanah atas muka bumi ni. Mungkin sbb tu depa pijak henyak suka hati. Tuhan, aku tak pasti dosa yg mana menjadi pilihanMu demi menghukum aku yg naif ini. Tapi aku tahu dosa aku mmg semesta alam luasnya. Jadi hukuman pun bermacam jenis. Mungkin INI hukuman nya. Tuhan, jika jiwa ini dianiaya rasanya, dilumat hancur ikhlasnya, maka Kau pulihkan ia sebelum aku sempat berputus asa. Aku tak pasti kenapa takdir ni macam ni. Aku tak pasti kenapa semua tiba-tiba mengejutkan. Mungkin sbb selama ni aku tk pernah bangkit dari lena. Tuhan, jika Kau takdir kan ruang kosong ini diisi, isi kan ia dgn sesuatu yg Kau redha. ya Tuhan, hati aku perlu pulih segera.  yang jiwa...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  4 hari tak update pape, aku rasa mcm dah 2 bulan blog ni berhabuk. Betul lah kata orang, bila kita sibuk, kita tak sedar masa tu berlalu dgn pantas. Ini baru minggu ke-3 lepas midsem break, tapi aku rasa mcm dah 3 bulan kelas tanpa henti. Dahsyat penangan degree ni. Mungkin bila kita busy dgn duniawi, nikmat masa tu Allah tarik sikit demi sikit. Mungkin jugak betul kata orang, berkatnya masa itu ada pada solat di awal waktu. Kalau kita solat awal waktu, kita rasa masa mcm panjang, tak terkejar-kejar. Mungkin. I think I have lost connection with my readers, esp those friends abroad. Idk. I think when we lead a busy life, we tend to forget the usual connection or people. Tu yg jadi kes lupa birthday bff sendiri bagai. I felt at my worst. I apologize if whatever I wrote here in my blog seemed lost or tergantung hahaha. Aku perlu improvisasi. Bukan sekadar atas pentas teater, tapi dalam hidup sekali.  Harini aku belajar improvisasi (per...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Syukur pada Allah utk seharian yg aku spend dgn abang-abang senior teater utk shooting videografi teater SALAHKAH AKU...?. Takda la abang sangat pun. Alan dgn Man 21y/o, Jiji 20 y/o. It was really exciting for me as they shared a lot of things and experience. Aku harap satu hari nanti kami berempat jumpa jalan pd minat masing-masing. Few of them lepas diploma nak masuk ASWARA. Nampak tak passion di situ hehe. Aku? Masih wajib berpijak di bumi yg nyata, meneruskan degree in International Business sampai habis, kemudian masters kemudian PhD in sha Allah. Hello, impian kena tinggi hahaha. Tapi aku sebenarnya masih mencari. Aku terjun masuk teater ni sebab aku nak try an error. Apa aku boleh buat, apa aku tak boleh buat. Still not sure whether aku boleh buat teater ke tak. Caranya adalah tunggu lepas pementasan. Dengar feedback penonton utk watak Shah and the whole theater. Was it okay. If emosi dan pembawakan cerita tu sampai pd jiwa dorang, w...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  I am not perfect nor am I a rigidly practicing Muslim. I decided to challenge myself to properly covered my aurat 3 years ago, after school ended. It was my decision alone. No force from anyone. I am a city girl. I wasn't a properly covered girl before, but I did try my best. Not that I am very perfectly covered today, bcz I am, still trying. You might be in the same situation like me. When people question/utter, "pakai handsocks nak gi mana? driving?" "mcm ninja seh handsocks" "kenapa tak bukak stokin? kan masuk rumah dah ni?" "kenapa pakai stokin? nak pegi cafe je kan?" "kenapa pakai stokin? tak basah ke? hujan ni.." Oh yes, I get it. I get it that hidayah doesn't turun to everyone. Some get it late, some never get it. I got it 18 years after I was born. I fathom it, struggle with it. I've been there, I was once a girl who never like the idea of wearing tudung. I like...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Unlike few years ago, I havent been blogging quite honestly here. Neither did I post something so deep that it depicts what is really going on in my life nor giving hints that my life is at its worst, in this blog of mine. True enough, life is unpredictable. Sometimes it hits you brick-hard, shattered your staunchest strength, sometimes it's like the cozy wind that soothes you. I, like many other people, cry when life is testing my strength. But throughout these few months back, I developed a habit to ignore the wreckage that is haunting me, or in other words, I put aside any hard feelings or sadness. I put aside to become immune and I am immune. Malangnya, watak teater Bukan Salahku memerlukan aku utk meraung menangis sedih meratapi pemergian kawan baiknya. Im so freaking stuck with that scene. I. Can. Not. Shed. A. Single. Teardrop.  ...and I kid you not. I had phase in life whereby something happened and even the small...

[Via apps] Smlm mmg rabak beb. 8am-4.40pm : Seminar usahawan wanita slash teman slash dating dgn Ana. (Tidur dlm audi masa break, mcm biasa lah nesa, anywhere also can sleep!) 5-7pm : kawad kesatria. 8.30-11pm : latihan teater. Mmg penat gila. Asyik lapar memanjang. Study utk quiz law (yg takde pun sbnrnya) sikit-sikit dgn harapan aku tk lupa sec 30, sec 10, sec 11, sec 12, those cases in contract law yadayada. Esok (16 Oct), ada dua quiz, law and Eco. Eh kepala hotak dia. Hahaha aku lupa dah apa aku study. Astaghfirullah. Nmpk dah ciri-ciri markah kosong. Esok kelas 8am-5pm. Jumaat pun ada kelas ganti (baru berangan nk tidur and study balik). Sabtu shooting dari pagi till ptg. Peh.. Mengamuk Mak Ayah kalau tahu jadual packed camni dgn benda selain study. Post ni patutnya bertajuk Mari Merungut Sedunia. Syukur pd Allah sbb pinjamkan kudrat ni pd aku. Alhamdulilahhhh! Dah dah, baik tidur.

[Via apps] Bismillah. ***** Smlm hari pertama latihan kami. SubhanaAllah. Terima kasih Allah utk ilmu baru yg aku dpt drpd Alan. Alan is one of pelakon teater kami ni. Dia mmg power beb. Mmg throwback teater Namron ah bila tgk dia acting. Smlm jgk first time aku fhm process sebelum teater bermula. Aku tk terfikir pulak teater kena warm up vokal. Warming up session was funny gilaaaaa hahaha kena humming, bubbling, berlatih artikulasi (still don't really fathom what this means) etc. Kena sebut red lorry yellow lorry laju and clear. Fuh fail habis lol. Pastu ktorg script reading. Ini first time aku script reading. Aku igt terus start berlakon. Ah sakai. Allah je tahu nervous aku mcm mana nk bwk watak Shah ni -.- dah la kena tikam, meraung menangis sbb best friend dia (Kudin) mati plak tu. Adoi parah. Script reading was helpful! Hilang sikit nervous. Kalau tak tu, nak termuntah semua ada -.- Aku sedang cuba bahagi kan masa utk study and benda lain. Sigh. Ya Allah permudahkan urus...