Alhamdulillah Wa Syukrillah : New Phase of Life.

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) -------------------------------------- Alhamdulillah for the chance that was bestowed for me today. I got the chance to meet some of my buddies. Went to Setia City Mall. Well, I can still feel the closed bonding between us. Nothing changed. They are still the some oafs I know during my school years in SSAAS. 4 years ago, when I first entered SSAAS, I hate almost everyone. They kept scrutinize me, they didn't smile back etc. They were snobbish people. At that time, I wasn't really focusing on my study. It's like my study is not priority. My study doesn't horrified me. Plus, at that time, I was from a cluster school in JB, my brain was not yet rotten, my study was okay. Until few months later, after I have settled in, my social network got better, I mixed up with people and became the hyper-est of them all -____- I was known as Nesa the kepoh, people can not handle me. I sometimes became so hyper, sometimes quiet, serious and brief. Alhamdulillah, being known as someone who make the situation more exciting, was an utter blessing. I was happy being the happiest as I witnessed those smiles I put on those faces I love most -my friends, my teachers. 4 years have gone so fast that school ended on December 6, 2012.  That very moment, I realized everything was just a 'loan' from Him.  Now that I was accepted to be one of KMS student, just like 4 years ago when I first entered SSAAS, I have to settle in. This is the norm of life. Once you set your feet in a new environment, you have to settle in fast to move up to the next level. You need to accelerate because everyone near you are. You need to catch up quite fast. Settle in fast. Move on forward, leave the previous norm behind. I am, currently, at that point of life. (Oh God, I feel secure writing this thing without anyone else reading this except for my selected reader(s)). Honestly, settling in is no easy task. Why? First, I think it's because I got too attached with my previous norms such as my buddies, my teachers, my very own room etc. Some part of the inner me was trying to maintain the affairs  that existed before. Logically, life moves forward and what my inner self was trying to maintain contradicts the reality -I was not realistic. In KMS, time given was limited and we have to, whether we like or not, try to 'digest' those subjects in a short period of time. Example, 15 chapters of Physics within 5 months is no easy task when you aimed for a solid A. Matriculation life is a life where everything is fast. They 'distorted' the time and filled with so many chapters to covered. As you know, it's like a fast track to degree.  That, is no easy task. For me lah. Hihi. I believe thousands out there are dealing with the same thing. These days, I kept thinking about this. I woke up early in the morning thinking of this kind of stuffs. Will I make it? Will I survived? I had problems with my confidence. Honestly, it effected my focus and I am now, on my way to repair it as now I realized that I am not alone. Yup, this is easy. It's easy when you know that you are not alone bla bla bla, but you know, you'll never understand a circumstance till you yourself have to face and deal with it. I know that I wasn't alone, but that's it. It's just a plain thought. Till, I entered KMS and was tested with the intimidation of not surviving. Allah was there, sending me situations after situations, one person after another. He was showing me that I was not alone, He is there.  After all those stories shared by my buddies, I realized that I wasn't grateful. I was selfish to myself. I should've thought of this thing. There are people out there who are dealing with more difficult affairs than what I have in my mind now. Yes, in my mind. See how conflicted I am? Everything is just in my mind. I created conflicts that was not supposed to be there in the first place. I was paranoid. Imma slow learner. So the fact that I have to get out from my comfort zone doesn't really make me happy. I had to struggle to get all As etc. That was not my norm. Yup, exactly. I am still too attached with my previous norm during school years.  Day by day, I am catching up. I try to be redha in every situation Allah sent to me. To be honest, I don't want to stay in KMS. It's too tough in here. But as I babbled above, I am not alone. I have to be considerate with myself. Give myself a chance to strive. I was worried that I couldn't survive like how others are. I was afraid if I failed while everyone else excelled.  BE REALISTIC. ONLY THOSE WHO STRIVE GAIN THE REWARD. Bukan hak aku utk risaukan result sebab yang pasti result tu Allah je yang mampu tentu kan. Aku cuma mampu fokus pada usaha. Ye lah, kdg² kita dah usaha tapi still tk dpt jugak result bagus. Kenapa? sbb result tu pada tgn Dia. Mungkin dkt situ dia nak ajar erti sabar dan redha. Tapi apa yg kena highlight is, usaha sendiri. Aku tahu usaha aku baru ciput je, besar zarah, sebab tu failed maths -___-" tapi aku memang sgt sgt melampau bersyukur dgn result utk subjects lain. Alhamdulillah :') ini pun ujian sebenarnya. Dia dh bagiiiiiiiiiiiiiii je dkt aku, bila aku nak 'bayar' balik kan? Nak hidup ni aku rasa mmg kena ada rasa nak 'membayar' balik pada Dia. Kau mati nnti pun jumpa Dia semula. Perasaan malu tu yg buat aku rasa sentap habis. Mana taknya, dia bagiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, tapi aku duk selamba noda bersenang lenang, takda nak strive, tapi bila dtg ujian sikit je, aku senang down. Apabenda ntah aku ni.. -____-  This is just a starting point. I have longgggggggggggggg way to strive. Still have 7 exams before I leave KMS. 3 and a half semesters to go. Lotsssssssssssssssss to learn and enjoy. First, keep calm and enjoy. Problems can't be solved when you are not in a calm and stable condition, hence, you can not enjoy yr life.  Second, set your niat. So that your effort doesn't go to waste, at least do something for your 'economy' in hereafter. Third, focus only on how to be better than who you were yesterday. By this, you are, at least, moving a bit to be better. Sikit-sikit lama-lama jadi bukit. It's okay, Allah knows yr struggle. Fourth, maintain the good effort and achievement, and, if possible, do better next time.  It's okay if everyone else is accelerating, as long as you don't stop trying. Again, Allah knows yr struggle and you struggle for Him. So, keep calm and keep trying, trying and trying. Never compare yourself with others. Rezeki kita tak kan dikacau sesapa. Percayalah. And, kita pun tk leh kacau rezeki org. This, On the authority of Ibn 'Abbass (RA), who said:

One day I was behind the Prophet  [riding on the same mount] and he said to me:

"Young man, I shall teach you some of words [of advice]:

Be mindful of Allah, and Allah will protect you.

Be mindful of Allah, and you will find Him in front of you.

If you ask, ask of Allah;

If you seek help, seek help of Allah.

Know that if the Nation were to gather together to benefit you with anything, it would benefit you only with something that Allah had already prescribed for you, and that if they gather together to harm you with anything, they would harm you only with something Allah had already prescribed for you.

The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried."

-Tirmidhi

See? Semuanya sudah tertulis. Be realistic. Tak senang nak senang. Try and try and try, insyaAllah you'll reach what Allah has prescribed for you earlier :') Above all, we depend to Him alone, we return to Him alone. Usaha sungguh-sungguh, tawakal, berserah, redha dan ikhlas. Perjalanan aku masih jauh utk itu semua betul² tersemat dlm otak aku ni. Kdg² aku pun tak work hard, tak redha, tknk usaha. But, I just hope He will bring me closer to Him and strive upon whatever He bestowed on me. I.e. be redha and work harddddddd. Jauh lagi perjalanan, it must be so exciting! :D

"O you who believe! Whoever from among you turns back from his religion, Allah will bring a people whom He will love and they will love Him; humble towards the believers, stern towards the disbelievers, fighting in the Way of Allah, and never afraid of the blame of the blamers. That is the Grace of Allah which He bestows on whom He wills. And Allah is All-Sufficient for His creatures' needs, All-Knower."[al-Ma'ida: 54]

--------------------------------------------- Ya Allah, be with those who feel the same thing I feel. Be with them and bless them with your help and guidance. We rely solely upon You, we worshipped only You. Thank you for everything, ya Allah. We love You :') forgive us all..