BOLD & SEPET

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Tak semua orang appear happy sebab dia happy. Tak semua orang suka nak confront what had happened in the past. Kita semua tahu takda sapa boleh undone a history. History will remain as history.  Tuhan, hati aku yg rabak ni mmg kerdil valuenya pd certain jembalang tanah atas muka bumi ni. Mungkin sbb tu depa pijak henyak suka hati. Tuhan, aku tak pasti dosa yg mana menjadi pilihanMu demi menghukum aku yg naif ini. Tapi aku tahu dosa aku mmg semesta alam luasnya. Jadi hukuman pun bermacam jenis. Mungkin INI hukuman nya. Tuhan, jika jiwa ini dianiaya rasanya, dilumat hancur ikhlasnya, maka Kau pulihkan ia sebelum aku sempat berputus asa. Aku tak pasti kenapa takdir ni macam ni. Aku tak pasti kenapa semua tiba-tiba mengejutkan. Mungkin sbb selama ni aku tk pernah bangkit dari lena. Tuhan, jika Kau takdir kan ruang kosong ini diisi, isi kan ia dgn sesuatu yg Kau redha. ya Tuhan, hati aku perlu pulih segera.  yang jiwa...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  4 hari tak update pape, aku rasa mcm dah 2 bulan blog ni berhabuk. Betul lah kata orang, bila kita sibuk, kita tak sedar masa tu berlalu dgn pantas. Ini baru minggu ke-3 lepas midsem break, tapi aku rasa mcm dah 3 bulan kelas tanpa henti. Dahsyat penangan degree ni. Mungkin bila kita busy dgn duniawi, nikmat masa tu Allah tarik sikit demi sikit. Mungkin jugak betul kata orang, berkatnya masa itu ada pada solat di awal waktu. Kalau kita solat awal waktu, kita rasa masa mcm panjang, tak terkejar-kejar. Mungkin. I think I have lost connection with my readers, esp those friends abroad. Idk. I think when we lead a busy life, we tend to forget the usual connection or people. Tu yg jadi kes lupa birthday bff sendiri bagai. I felt at my worst. I apologize if whatever I wrote here in my blog seemed lost or tergantung hahaha. Aku perlu improvisasi. Bukan sekadar atas pentas teater, tapi dalam hidup sekali.  Harini aku belajar improvisasi (per...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Syukur pada Allah utk seharian yg aku spend dgn abang-abang senior teater utk shooting videografi teater SALAHKAH AKU...?. Takda la abang sangat pun. Alan dgn Man 21y/o, Jiji 20 y/o. It was really exciting for me as they shared a lot of things and experience. Aku harap satu hari nanti kami berempat jumpa jalan pd minat masing-masing. Few of them lepas diploma nak masuk ASWARA. Nampak tak passion di situ hehe. Aku? Masih wajib berpijak di bumi yg nyata, meneruskan degree in International Business sampai habis, kemudian masters kemudian PhD in sha Allah. Hello, impian kena tinggi hahaha. Tapi aku sebenarnya masih mencari. Aku terjun masuk teater ni sebab aku nak try an error. Apa aku boleh buat, apa aku tak boleh buat. Still not sure whether aku boleh buat teater ke tak. Caranya adalah tunggu lepas pementasan. Dengar feedback penonton utk watak Shah and the whole theater. Was it okay. If emosi dan pembawakan cerita tu sampai pd jiwa dorang, w...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  I am not perfect nor am I a rigidly practicing Muslim. I decided to challenge myself to properly covered my aurat 3 years ago, after school ended. It was my decision alone. No force from anyone. I am a city girl. I wasn't a properly covered girl before, but I did try my best. Not that I am very perfectly covered today, bcz I am, still trying. You might be in the same situation like me. When people question/utter, "pakai handsocks nak gi mana? driving?" "mcm ninja seh handsocks" "kenapa tak bukak stokin? kan masuk rumah dah ni?" "kenapa pakai stokin? nak pegi cafe je kan?" "kenapa pakai stokin? tak basah ke? hujan ni.." Oh yes, I get it. I get it that hidayah doesn't turun to everyone. Some get it late, some never get it. I got it 18 years after I was born. I fathom it, struggle with it. I've been there, I was once a girl who never like the idea of wearing tudung. I like...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Unlike few years ago, I havent been blogging quite honestly here. Neither did I post something so deep that it depicts what is really going on in my life nor giving hints that my life is at its worst, in this blog of mine. True enough, life is unpredictable. Sometimes it hits you brick-hard, shattered your staunchest strength, sometimes it's like the cozy wind that soothes you. I, like many other people, cry when life is testing my strength. But throughout these few months back, I developed a habit to ignore the wreckage that is haunting me, or in other words, I put aside any hard feelings or sadness. I put aside to become immune and I am immune. Malangnya, watak teater Bukan Salahku memerlukan aku utk meraung menangis sedih meratapi pemergian kawan baiknya. Im so freaking stuck with that scene. I. Can. Not. Shed. A. Single. Teardrop.  ...and I kid you not. I had phase in life whereby something happened and even the small...

[Via apps] Smlm mmg rabak beb. 8am-4.40pm : Seminar usahawan wanita slash teman slash dating dgn Ana. (Tidur dlm audi masa break, mcm biasa lah nesa, anywhere also can sleep!) 5-7pm : kawad kesatria. 8.30-11pm : latihan teater. Mmg penat gila. Asyik lapar memanjang. Study utk quiz law (yg takde pun sbnrnya) sikit-sikit dgn harapan aku tk lupa sec 30, sec 10, sec 11, sec 12, those cases in contract law yadayada. Esok (16 Oct), ada dua quiz, law and Eco. Eh kepala hotak dia. Hahaha aku lupa dah apa aku study. Astaghfirullah. Nmpk dah ciri-ciri markah kosong. Esok kelas 8am-5pm. Jumaat pun ada kelas ganti (baru berangan nk tidur and study balik). Sabtu shooting dari pagi till ptg. Peh.. Mengamuk Mak Ayah kalau tahu jadual packed camni dgn benda selain study. Post ni patutnya bertajuk Mari Merungut Sedunia. Syukur pd Allah sbb pinjamkan kudrat ni pd aku. Alhamdulilahhhh! Dah dah, baik tidur.

[Via apps] Bismillah. ***** Smlm hari pertama latihan kami. SubhanaAllah. Terima kasih Allah utk ilmu baru yg aku dpt drpd Alan. Alan is one of pelakon teater kami ni. Dia mmg power beb. Mmg throwback teater Namron ah bila tgk dia acting. Smlm jgk first time aku fhm process sebelum teater bermula. Aku tk terfikir pulak teater kena warm up vokal. Warming up session was funny gilaaaaa hahaha kena humming, bubbling, berlatih artikulasi (still don't really fathom what this means) etc. Kena sebut red lorry yellow lorry laju and clear. Fuh fail habis lol. Pastu ktorg script reading. Ini first time aku script reading. Aku igt terus start berlakon. Ah sakai. Allah je tahu nervous aku mcm mana nk bwk watak Shah ni -.- dah la kena tikam, meraung menangis sbb best friend dia (Kudin) mati plak tu. Adoi parah. Script reading was helpful! Hilang sikit nervous. Kalau tak tu, nak termuntah semua ada -.- Aku sedang cuba bahagi kan masa utk study and benda lain. Sigh. Ya Allah permudahkan urus...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Berdoalah agar aku mempunyai kekuatan dlm memaafkan, agar aku tidak berdoa panahan petir mengenamu, berdoalah hati ini lembut melepaskan. Berdoalah agar di hadapan pintu neraka nanti, tidak ada lagi yg perlu aku bangkitkan dan tuntut darimu, berdoalah agar di hadapan pintu neraka nanti, aku telah pun memaafkan. Berdoalah agar di hadapan Allah nanti, aku sudahpun melupakan. Berdoalah agar di hadapan Allah nanti, aku tidak lagi merintih sedih dan kecewa. Berdoalah agar di hadapan Allah nanti, pada saat amalan mu dihisab, tidak ada ke-tidak-ampun-an dosa dr aku yg serba pincang tatkala ini. Berdoalah agar hati ini tidak merayu pd Yang Maha Mendengar agar di-reciprocal-kan kecewa ini kpdmu. Berdoalah agar dosamu terhadapku telah aku ampunkan sebelum Allah ambil nyawa ku ini. Sungguh, doa dr yg keadaannya seperti ini, tiada hijab dgn Allah. ----------------------------------------------- Maafkan? Thank you for reading! Have...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Harini hari terakhir aku cuti midsem. Aku dah start cuti since Khamis Oct 2. Terawal sikit drpd org lain. UiTM buat pelik pulak sem ni. Not sure why. Secara jujurnya, cuti ni aku study 5% je. Setakat tolong Shue jawab soalan ekonomi je, google sket, youtube psl Accounts sikit pastu dah. Langsung tak sentuh assignments pun. Aku tahu lepasni every night aku ada latihan teater. Aku nak request latihan tu stop on friday till weekend. Teater tetap jalan, study pun kena bg ruang sikit. Aku harap dorang faham. Aaminn. Aku balik Melaka harini naik bas. Hizami offer balik dgn dia tapi aku segan, so yeah. I'll be alone for the whole journey, hopefully. Hahaha ok pasrah. Pasrah sbb cuti dah hbs, lagi pasrah sbb balik sorang, angkut barang. Itu la, dkt matriks dulu memanjang Mak Ayah je hantor kau kan. Padan muka. Rasa kan. Bukan tk prnh naik bas sorang, tp sbb cuti dah habis, aku jd lagi berat hati nak balik. Ah sakai. utk 3 org malaon ini, ter...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Okay, mari jujur sedunia. Aku tk pernah hafal ayat seribu dinar ni. Sigh. Harini ttba nak dgr lagu Lah Ahmad - Ya Allah. I am such a big fan of him btw.. At the end of the music video, I was engrossed by a verse from the Holy Al-Quran. "...dan sesiapa yang bertaqwa kepada Allah (dengan mengerjakan suruhanNya dan meninggalkan laranganNya), nescaya Allah akan mengadakan baginya jalan keluar (dari segala perkara yang menyusahkannya),  Serta memberinya rezeki dari jalan yang tidak terlintas di hatinya. Dan (Ingatlah), sesiapa berserah diri bulat-bulat kepada Allah, maka Allah cukuplah baginya (untuk menolong dan menyelamatkannya). Sesungguhnya Allah tetap melakukan segala perkara yang dikehendakiNya. Allah telahpun menentukan kadar dan masa bagi berlakunya tiap-tiap sesuatu." [65 : 2-3]   Ayat seribu dinar rupanya verse ni. Apa seh nesa... Kemudian aku ttba teringat all the things yg Allah dah kurniakan pada aku. Everything...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  2010. Pada sangat kita menangis sedih, basah pipi merayu kpd Allah perihal hidup yg tidak adil, orang-orang yg menyakiti kita, yakin lah Allah itu sedang memerhatikan kita sebenar-benarnya. Bayangkan lah Allah itu benar-benar berada di atas kepala kita, bersedia mencurahkan rahmat dlm bentuk ketenangan hati kpd kita sesudah kita tamat berdoa. Yakin lah wahai sahabat. Kdg-kdg hati kita terlalu remuk dibuat oleh manusia lain, disakiti, dicerca, ditipu dan pelbagai ragam. Tapi ingat lah kita semua berada di bawah kuasaNya. Ingat lah di hati itu bahawa Allah sentiasa di atas dan juga di sisi kita. Menangis lah ketika berdoa. Takpa, Allah sentiasa di atas kita, bersedia menghembuskan tenangnya hati sesudah berdoa. Tenangnya hati kita selepas menangis berdoa, itu semua dtg dari Allah. Apatah lagi apabila kita benar yakin Allah itu sedang khusyuk mendengar doa kita walaupun kita penuh dosa. Lagi tenang rasanya bila diri yg hina ini masih di...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Fakta : tidak pernah walau sekali pun aku masuk pape benda psl berlakon woi! Redah je ni. Haritu Nabila (housemate) bgthu ada audition utk teater. Aku pulak mula jatuh cinta dgn teater masa Adam beli kan tix Teater Namron. Secara spontan nya aku terus nak pegi audition berbekalkan zero pengalaman jd anak teater. Aku teringat watak Bintang yg dibawa oleh Sharifah Amani, so aku amek nama tu, olah sikit cerita. Maka, berlakon lah aku atas pentas sorg 2 . Nervous tak payah ckp lah sbb dlm mini audi tu ada ramai org lain yg nk audition akan tgk sekali. Tp syukur pd Allah, aku lepas. Walaupun aku rasa aku ketandusan idea atas pentas tu. Nyanyi atas pentas berbeza perasaan nya. Ber-teater juga berbeda. Ewah! Credit to Azfa, my housemate :) 3 emosi yg judges mintak kami lakonkan. Aku bwk emosi marah, lepastu aku stop takda idea, Bongok. Selamba badak je. Boleh plak aku minta judges bg watak. Dorg suruh bwk watak Bintang gila and Bintang jd t...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Hi everyone! Im currently at home alone. Half of my housemates are having induction program, the other half went for a little escapism to Jasin. Can't join them though because I had to help to decorate our floor front board with other house chiefs and also had to settle down my online business website with my groupmate. A4-5 is currently sooooo quiet except that I hear my double S girls, Syakirah n Rasyidah via Skype and whatsapp. Teringat ketenangan dkt rumah Shah Alam... hahaha! Picture below is captured after the first time I finished a full class schedule of the week, hari khamis yg jadual packed mcm dkt matrics. Yup, I have no class on friday which is a blessing from Allah hehehe.  So, I have attended all classes for all subjects and wowwwww there's a lot to catch up *nangis dlm selimut*. Business law and Accounts terutamanya. Nganga beb dlm kelas. Okay, Law boleh hadam sikit la. Skrg tgh Contract Law. Tapi Accounts s...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  First of all, thank you Allah for these awesome Shah Alam friends I have here in Melaka. I can't stop thanking Allah for this because Allah je tahu how these people made me feel at home and how they helped me to settle down. Thank you Ibrahim for the portable WiFi that you lent to me, hence making it easier for me to do my first ever degree assignment (aku kena buat website for subject IT in Business, MGT417). Also making it easier for me to update my blog. Do you understand how internet makes me happy???? Today or may I say this week is an official start of my degree life, full with classes, no outside event like what we had last week. I noticed new things like our timetable WILL change few times in a week and there's nobody to inform it to us unless we climb upstairs and take a look at our new updated timetable stamped on Pn Afzan's door. You know what??? Aku takda kelas hari Jumaat! Allah mmg awesome! Alhamdulillah. But for now, I need ...

[Via apps] Bismillah.. Hari isnin malam(15Aug) was a weird night sbb dulu zaman matrics, curfew pukul 7pm, so terbiasa dah and that night, Ibrahim the bff ajak pegi makan. Went back to college around 11.40pm which exceeded the curfew at 11pm. So freaking weird ah the feeling. Takda sapa tahan aku dkt pagar that night. Alhamdulillah. Hehe nice record eh nisa, class belum start dah break the rules. Oh sorry lupa plak nak kata ini cerita budak matrics sambung degree yg tak boleh move on lg dgn rutin matrics. Smlm cuti Hari Malaysia. So, Aizzat, his gf named Ana, Aliah, Hairul and Baim were with me all day long. Sehari berjalan sakan seh. KBM > Lendu > UTeM Induk > MP and DP > Klebang > UTeM. Sakan gila woi. Kelas belum start dah merata aku jalan T_T indeed, degree life is freedom. Minus the coursework, exam and presentation. I also happened to have a dua-pupu here named Kak Salwani who is Ayah's cousin's daughter. She's in her final year doing IB too! Gonna a...

[Updated via apps] Fokus adalah utk teman Syahirah Amri beli camera dan ke JB Book Fest. Aku lupa ada Edora, Nurul and Ecah dkt JB ni hahaha. Stayed at UTM with Edora and Nurul (cousin). Went to Mak Pah's and had awesome dinner! Nurul drove us everywhere! Nasib Nani called and said dia dkt JB. UTM dgn rumah dia dkt! Ecah pulak jauh and tak teringat Poli dah dkt dah dgn rumah Mak Pah. It's okay, rezeki takda. Akhirnya aku merasa jalan-jalan JB dgn berkat keizinan Yang Mana Esa dan kereta Nurul yg berjasa. I was stupefied with all the tremendous changes of Johor Bahru. Sedih gak Komtar dgn Kotaraya tu dah jd lain. Those malls used to be my childhood Pavillion/Mid Valley when our family still lived in JB. Nurul took me for a little tour around UTM and if was indeed unlike UiTM KBM. So freaking huge and yup, I began to realize that life in university is a total freedom. Kalau leka mmg we ended up jd sampah. Jgn risau, kita semua ada kuasa utk kawal diri. Though it was just a tr...

Yup, not Minggu Destini Siswa (MDS) but Minggu Pemantapan Siswa (MPS). Day 1 -Sept 6. Syukur pd Allah. Alhamdulillah. Daftar kolej went smoothly. Dpt tingkat 4. Bilik aku ada 1 double decker, 1 single. Aku double decker bawah. Roommate nama Ika, bdk Wangsa Maju.  Fasi semua ok, bkn jenis pekik jerit.  Problem of today is to hide that I am 20 but failed  bcz ada junior KMS dkt sini. Mostly juniors buat masa ni. Segala pujian utk Allah, aku ada Mak Ayah utk teman aku harini. Plg comel masa dorg nak balik, salam ayah, dia usap kepala aku.  Salam Mak, pastu dia kata "eh cium sikit, cium sikit" and  I saw her face turn reddish and her eyes moist :') Mak Ayah, I'm gonna be okay here, trust me okay? :) O Allah, jaga Mak Ayah utk aku ya.. Mak ayah tanya next week balik ke? Hahahaha woi mmg tak.  Aku bg jwpn "I'm giving weeks to myself dkt sini utk cari jiwa and cope.  Kalau balik awal sgt nnti Anis tk kuat. 2-3minggu or ...

[Updated via apps] Bismillah.. Esok is the day, guys. No, it's actually today because it's already Aug 6. Haha! I'm going to UiTM Kampus Bandar Melaka for the registration day, Minggu Destini Siswa (orientation week/7-11 Aug) and the rest of my upcoming 3years degree in International Business  there (maybe). Alhamdulillah because Allah granted my wish to extend the remaining hari bermalasan. Truly grateful. 5 days meant so much to me. I'm not sure of my feelings for tomorrow but I am sleepy now (12.45am). Dont worry, I'll sleep this time :) I hope things will go smoothly tomorrow. Life goes on. This is what I want though. I shouldn't complaint. I hope I'll do better this time despite the unfamiliar concepts of business. New things are always fun to learn! Mcm makanan baru yg kita tk sabar nak rasa! Maybe at this point I am missing one of my reader here. Not sure whether that person is reading this post or not. Maybe that explains why I'm not sure o...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Pictures taken using Lenovo A516 and Samsung S2 . We went to check on Kolej Tun Mutahir after we knew that the registration was postponed to Aug 6. It's a 10-storey apartment, 5-10mins walk to the campus. The apartment was empty because they are installing the new facilities at this moment. The condition wasn't really clean, I was quite intimidated and I hope they'll clean it up (ko pikir ko princess ke nisa??) Just a little tour before this becomes my second home. not sure whether they'll replace this one or not... so kecik haha the living hall yup, indeed. double decker for life. back to zaman dkt SSI JB dulu hahaha one of the room emm toilet anyone? view drpd tingkat satu. boleh nmpk kampus aku yg setongkol je di situ haha more like a pantry to me haa nampak tak apa aku nampak?? Juscooooo.. to replace KL's fancy malls. mesin basuh yg aku harapppp sgt depa bersihkan...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  POST INI PANJANG. It was written in the offer letter that the registration day would be on the 1st september and so after sleepless nights of rechecking again and again, we're off to Melaka at 7am, yesterday (Aug 1). It was weird because as we arrived, the campus wasn't packed with people. There were cars but not as much as we expect it to be. Even the main door of the campus were locked intact. I could see few families waiting. Oh so I thought UiTM was just a bit late kot. Few minutes after waiting, we saw few cars left the campus and making us felt more weird. There was  a UiTM staff and Ayah approached him. He told us that the registration day was postponed to Aug 6, saturday!!!! He also told us that UiTM has informed us, the upcoming students, via text or we have to check the campus website by ourselves. Gila. There was no notice at all about checking the campus website. They should have made an announcement at the Portal Kema...