BOLD & SEPET

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) -------------------------------- itu ayah. hahahahaha!! nama aku, ayah aku yang bagi. aku rasa mmg cliche utk seorang perempuan meletakkan ayahnya sebagai hero pertama. ayah seorang yang sangat tenang. jarang sangat dia nak grumpy ke marah2. dia jenis tak banyak cakap tapi tk reti duduk diam. muka dia garang tapi dia tak garang. kena pandai approach. hati dia lembut. kalau dkt rmh, jarang nk nmpk dia duduk meleset dpn tv unless ada F1 atau tournaments. berita pun jarang.  it's either dia mengemas rumah, basuh pinggan, menyapu etc. yes, he did those things. while kami yg lain meleset hahahaha. lepastu dia pergi kerja pagi, dia balik lepas maghrib. still, larat bawak kami pergi mkn, melayan kami. lepas makan dkt luar (ini rutin), dia spend time dpn tv dgn mak or adik. kdg2, dia tidur paling lewat. aku tk tahu drpd mana dtg tenaga dia -___- ayah aku juga seperti ayah o...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) -------------------------------- can't believe that i am currently in my 3rd semester in matrix. well, im trying to clear up the things i should. still trying to holding on. not to give up as i have less than a year to finish matrix mundane life. i think it's a time where i get to decide who i should be in the future. it's a whole big thing now. one thing for sure is, i just wanna be happy. nobody said it's impossible. all praise be to Allah because He is not cruel for he allows us to choose bliss over woe.  they say semester 3 would be the crucial point of life in matrix where the real test will take over. semester 3 would be the toughest, they say. looking at the chapters that i would have to digest, i reckoned that they speak the truth.  however, my weekend went wasted like always hahahaha. talking too much, huh? perhaps i still assume that it's only the 2nd wee...

Love is when... -Aku mampu ucap alhamdulillah pada saat susah. That ability, Dia bagi. -Mak masak kan something and bekal kan utk aku bwk balik KMS. That is eternal love. -Ayah tak kesah belanja utk aku walaupun permintaan aku tu umpama investment yg belum nyata lg hasilnya di dunia ni. Dkt akhirat aku harap ada bahagian drpd Dia utk ayah n mak. -Adam menguap tapi masih gagah nak cakap dgn tuan puteri dia ni. -Aku bwk kereta mcm org gila tp adik2 muka cool je dkt blkg. -Cikgu2 lama reply msgs aku. Sebenarnya terlalu byk cinta dlm hidup aku. Mungkin setiap hari aku patut kira cinta yg ada. Mungkin cinta pada Dia masih lagi mcm tiang yg reput, tapi aku harap niat aku utk tukar tiang tu jadi kenyataan satu masa nanti. Aku tk tahu bila tapi sekarang adalah masa utk realize berapa byk cinta yg aku ada.  Cinta adalah bila kita melihat sesuatu tanpa prejudis. Cinta adalah apabila sesorang berdoa dlm senyap utk mu. Cinta adalah apabila seseorang kisah pada setiap perilaku mu.  Hari de...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم   Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :)  ---------------------------------   POST PANJANG .   Okay lah, mari admit yang 1st week of semester 3 berlalu dgn sgt laju. Aku rasa mcm pergi kelas drpd pagi sampai petang tu mcm 2-3 jam je duration dia. laju sungguh masa berjalan. sedar tak sedar dah jumaat. masa utk balikkkkkkkkkkkkkk! hahahaha!   alhamdulillah.   ok mari kita ranting pulak.    1) Result sem lepas. alhamdulillah. adam kata result aku tu kalau dkt uni dh jd dekan dh. petang amek result tu aku down sikit sbb aku rasa ketinggalan. aku call mak ayah, hehehe dorang happy! gila wehhhh! im back on track! waktu dgr reaction dorang tu, aku rasa mcm "janji mak ayah aku happy, dunia tkda benda dh bg aku" muahahaha!! and adam, this guy, so loyal :) tggu result sama2 dgn aku. dia balik kerja dia pesan "sayang dh dapat result jgn bgthu dulu k? tggu saya call :)".. dia punya la ...

Alhamdulillah . Awal pagi lagi aku dh bangun, melawan ngantuk dan keterbiasaan bermalasan atas katil. Packed everything and forced myself to sleep. Ayah kejut sbb dh nak grk, bersiap and we headed to KMS. Oh aku rasa sangat lah liat nak gerak. Well, terpaksa aku buat tk layan dgn ke-liat-an diri.  Smpai KMS.  Aku personally rasa system dia nonsense ah. Dah la kami kena balik tiba2. Baru berangan nk berjimba bagai. Hm. Semester ni, bdk2 matriks Kelantan tumpang KMS, so mmg overloaded lah. Dorg dh register awal. Kami yg senior jd mangsa tidur merempat dkt bilik belajar lah, bilik solat lah, bilik tv lah hahahaha. Ditakdirkan aku dpt bilik belajar, 13 org satu bilik. Kau bayangkan! Hahahaha! Lama dh aku tk duduk reramai gini weh. Dulu 2007 masa dkt Aspuri Johor. At first, my KMS girls dpt blok lain2 semua. Tapi kami diberi kelonggaran nak tukar without even asking hehe maka, kami semua satu bilik sekarang. The 5 of us. Lagi sorang dkt blok lain. Plug pun dkt, senang nak charge ph...

POST INI SANGAT PANJANG. It's 12.37am and I cant sleep though my back hurts so bad like I carry a 9-month baby and my eyes hurt like they're screamin in agony. Yes, my body is tired but my brain refused to relax. These past few days (in fact, months), my relationship has been disrespected by some people. Some left after further discussions but that youknowwho just wont budge.  I frankly dont fathom what is it with me or about me that made youknowwho stranded and still cant move on. Perhaps I was the loveliest of all youknowwho's exes hahahaha!  I respect youknowwho for what he held on his past. His untamed behaviour, his history and sorts. When the society still has bad perceptions about him (at that time when I was still his gf), I stand to defend the idea that he has changed though I secretly am disappointed with the truth. Vulgar words, offensive remarks, deep-pain sarcasms were still there. Ever since I knew him, I tried my very best to respect him and be patient. Turne...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :)  -------------------------------------   Coming to a thought that going back to KMS isn't that bad is somehow ridiculous. This morning I woke up and think "dkt sana ada shue, ika, ezza, tashe etc.. not that bad actually". So after subuh I grabbed a new book and start reading it though I barely had enough sleep last night, I slept at 3am. Oh boy, my eyes.. suddenly I realized today's date! Waaaaa, time really flies. So, being lame, I thought of writing few resolutions. Azam tu kena setiap hari hahahaha walaupun tak buat :p  When I was thinking of what I want to do.. I came across an online blogshop. I stared at the models with their attires and hijab. Hmmmm.. these ladies..  Aku rasa lately ni trend pakai tudung labuh dada tu semakin diterima ramai. well, bagus lah. aku pun terikut jugak. kdg2 tu lupa daratan gak, tapi ada tukang ingat kan. tapi kdg2 aku rasa su...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :)  ----------------------------------------------------   i learnt something today, i want to share. tapi, POST PANJANG.   cuti aku start may 30, lebih sebulan ago. so aku ada tanya member2 bila balik kms semula, they said june 12. oh lalalala, lama lagiiii. kita enjoyyyy! you know what happened today? pls continue reading.        aku lepak makan dgn hanim dkt KL. pegi hard rock. wah excited lah ni dlm kereta. parking kereta lepastu order makanan. ttba masa nk order, shue text aku kata kena balik june 3, NOT june 12!!!! siap kena bank in duit yuran lagi. gila. mood dah lari. hello, aku tak prepare pape pun. tk review pun apabenda nk belajar semester 3 nnti. yg bestnya, ayah dh siap booked hotel dkt cameron highland from june 2-4. oh how nice. lagi la aku bengang.  so the whole day, aku cuba distract diri aku dgn makanan hah...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :)  ----------------------------------------------   cuti tinggal few days. i'll head back to banting on june 12. so these last few days i spent by reading. blogs and books. i read to improve my focus. yep, i love to it, but frankly you need to know there are so many types of readers in this world. im the one yg baru 25 page, dh terlelap, celik mata, grab the book, 25 pages more, terlelap lagi HAHAHAHA. i dont quite fathom how people read a thick book within a day. so these few days, i've been trying to read as fast as i can hahahaha. sbb rugi masa baca slowly. aku jenis yg baca dgn intonasi sekali dlm hati, tu yg terlelap tu. pastu satu novel amek masa lebih sehari sbb i cant resist reading them with intonation (dlm hati). gila.   ok thats not the point.   lately ni, aku selalu rasa insecure. pasal result, psl future etc. normal kot benda ni. cuma aku rasa sgt an...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) ------------------------------------- POST PANJANG . dulu, masa aku kecik, bila aku buat salah, mak ayah akan marah (normal ah kan), aku tak boleh terima. contoh kalau dorang suruh pakai selipar bila keluar rumah, aku tetap insist them with the idea that tak pakai selipar lagi senang. bila mak ayah marah kaw2, muka aku marah tapi mata dah berair. dlm hati? tak puas. kenapa idea aku (yg kemudiannya aku sedar adalah sangat bodoh) tidak diterima mereka. perkara ni berlanjutan sampai aku besar. the only person yg boleh marah aku balik and make me shut my mouth but eyes pooled are my parents. they really read me and can take control of myself when i went absurd hahahaha. i really need a husband that can bear my childishness. yeah, good luck on finding him, nesa.. -__- mungkin ego, mungkin sbb aku mmg degil sgt. someone once said to me "orang kena pandai main psychology dgn awak...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :)  ------------------------------------------------   Utk Mak Ayah (and my lil bros), hanya mereka dan tiada galang ganti. tiada jumlah harta yg mampu ganti mereka. segala penat lelah, terutama membesarkan baby yg kerek lagi grumpy lagi suka jerit mcm aku. aku masih ingat bila ayah cerita masa aku dah mula nak bercakap, aku asyik jerit2 je. aku duduk sorang dkt seat blkg, ayah suruh senyap, aku lg jerit2. bimbo baby. punya lah sabar depa melayan aku. aku tk pernah lagi rasa terlalu amat melampau risau dkt somebody. i wanted to feel it sbb all this while, i thought i am a selfish brat. i dont know how to care deeply. i looked at how mothers all around me. their faces.. priceless. adam told me "anak2 ni kekuatan utk mak".. i dont quite understand that. how an innocent soul could be your staunching strength? maybe one day i could understand it when i looked into my kids' eyes. pare...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :)  -------------------------------------------   wahai langit, tahu tak bila aku stress dkt kms dgn my inner thought, aku akan pandang kau dan lupa sekejap thing i have to deal with? mungkin aku tak boleh nak capai kau, wahai langit, tapi percaya lah kau buat ramai hamba Allah tersenyum gembira. aku antaranya. wahai kasut, walaupun kau bukan satu, tapi function kau tetap sama. bila aku pandang kasut yg aku tgh pakai dan aku mula rasa nak cari kasut baru padahal kau masih cantik dan elok, i would remember a quote that says "I was crying for shoes till I saw a man with no legs". sebak. wahai makanan, aku tahu kau yang paling aku cari lepas aku bangun tidur hahahaha, tapi ada masanya bila aku menanti yg lain utk makan bersama, aku pandang kau, terfikir sejenak dkt insan di luar sana yg sedang kelaparan. baik kerana tidak ada duit atau terpaksa berjimat. allah, lagi sebak. wa...

trip yang best tapi hambar pada mulanya sbb aku tertinggal IC. gila tragis masa dkt LCCT. lupakan la kan? dah lepas. lawak pun ada bila aku kenang balik. ini kali kedua aku naik flight. happy, i am. kundasang was a very peaceful place with awesome view, cuaca yg sejuk. nyaman masa dkt kundasang ni. dlm gmbr atas ni, blkg tu adalah gunung kinabalu. aku makan menghadap kinabalu beb. nice en? mmg awesome.  mana lagi aku pergi selain kundasang? well.. desa dairy farm - ala2 new zealand org kata. sejuk. tapi bau tak sedap. susu coklat sedap. penat bergambar. war memorial park - awesome view of mount kinabalu. garden yg cantik. agak sunyi. jambatan gantung - penat mendaki. jambatan bergoyang tu buat aku pening hahaha. manukan island - air tak clear sgt sebenarnya, tp aku enjoy tgk ikan swim near me. mcm boleh tangkap pastu goreng hahahaha. rumah terbalik - tmpt yg pelik, small compound tapi fun. aku pening masuk rmh tu sbb semua terbalik. tanjung aru - ini aw...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) ---------------------------------------- aku dekat sabah skrg ni. hadiah 10th monthsary, adam booked hotel dkt sabah ni. awesome gila walaupun ruang mandi hanya ada tirai hahahaha moden mungkin? :) tapi aku gembira. jujur. ini baru hari pertama. tadi musibah jadi pada aku. tengah hari tadi sebelum depart, aku baru perasan yg aku tertinggal IC. jawabnya, aku kena beli tcket baru. bayangkan. aku beli ticket baru, online check in, lepastu hanim datang picked up balik. ya allah sabar je lah. dah cukup macho dh aku td. masuk kereta terus melalak. god bless me, i have a new sister.  bayangkan kalau kau jadi aku. melalak wey. adam pujuk. dia suruh move on sbb dia taknak aku sedih masa tgh holiday. ini lah dia bila ada boyfriend yg gila travel. nmpk benor enthusiasm dia nak bagi kita happy. but im glad he's supporting me :') and surprisingly, mak ayah tak marah. harini cukup men...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) ------------------------------------------ i don't have any elder brother/sister, so i don't get the chance to be at their graduation day. hence, i've never attend any. i know people say it's the most joyful moment as a student but i just couldn't catch up with them. idk what God planned for me, but today i attend it. yes, i was excited :) looking at happy faces. those pretty girls who make me feel so insecure hahahaha. seriously, they looked stunning with their dresses, high heels, kim kardashian's kinda hair bla bla bla (you can imagine it). of course, the men. so handsome, i almost die. hahahaha. but i was looking at how both genders looked like upon graduation. their happy faces. i almost photo-bombed few families hahahaha accidently, of course!  subhanAllah. it was lively. i imagined myself in that situation. subhanaAllah. it would be so fun! i know i...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family. ----------------------------------------------- sometimes, when you woke up to a sad news. some parts of you were already searching for tomorrow.  with hope that tomorrow is better than today, perhaps. sometimes, truth is a pain not anyone can bear, you know. admit it, we once woke up to something that made us sit for awhile before burst into... tears, maybe? 2010, i remembered when somebody woke up me and tell me someone had passed away and it was 3am. i lost another angel that was so dear to me and i went back to my bed, persuaded myself that it was only a dream. yes, i failed to persuade myself. tears ran down my cheek. few things left and never come back, but if you ever had just one single chance to get it back, go for it. fight.for.it.

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) -------------------------------- today is just another typical day during semester break. the only difference is, i am cleaning up my room. yes, still in progress to finish it while i am typing this and it's 10.50pm now. my body is aching, seriously. few hours of cleaning up, i didn't realized that i fell asleep when i was taking break, hahahaha. it has been few months since the last time i did some cleaning works. a year, perhaps -___- can you imagine the dusts? sigh.  i was taken aback by few things as i was cleaning up. i found few of my sketch books. it was from 2008-2010, if im not mistaken. i didn't go through everything that i wrote there but i did read a few paragraphs. wow. it was wow. how much things have changed. how my mentality changed. how people left and came, some of them are still here and some left. i wish i would write more. so that 5 years by now,...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) --------------------------------------------- there was this one fine day that i went for dinner with my family at a local notorious restaurant. we usually have our dinner at restaurant, just so you know. so, dealing with the rude waiters etc are just another norm in my life. i usually go out as a simple girl. well, you could probably label me as someone who is very lazy to get dolled up. so on that one fine day, i went out wearing KMS shirt, typical worn out jeans and my lovely sneakers. yes, i am nothing near femininity. unless, few times of the month that i felt so. oh yeah, tudung also so serabai. no selendang lilit or bawal pinned on my shirt (the shoulder area), it was just my tudung petak that i pinned it together and let it sway before my stomach. you know, my bosom is the part i need to cover. so yeah, that pretty much make sense to my serabainess. oh im so good at making excuses...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family. have you ever felt inside you that you wanna pour it all out yet you don't how or to whom? have you ever felt so messed up inside? have you ever felt like all the things you did aint worth anything? have you ever felt you wanted to be heard but scared that the judgmental remarks might ripped out your sanity? have you ever felt that something good hurts you so bad? have you ever felt like you wanted to cry out everything but you hold that feeling and that freaking hurt you to the core? have you ever blame yourself for all the reasons behind that feeling? have you ever felt so guilty that you feel like giving up? have you ever look up to the sky and question everything? have you ever walk in an occasion full with the people you love but yet you feel inadequate of total joy? have you ever felt like sometimes you wanna stand up for yourself but you dont know how? have you ever fe...

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) ---------------------------------------- Sejujurnya, aku rasa semester ni aku tak consistent. Hahahaha. Ikut mood rajin, aku rajin. Mood biasa, aku biasa je. Mood malas, mmg aku bantai buat benda lain. Byk faktor sebenarnya. Bosan dgn rutin sama etc. Alasan sungguh. Aku tgh study week skrg and aku rasa mcm aku tak study apa walaupun aku study. Aku rasa mcm aku buat latihan etc, mcm tak melekat. IDK why. This is intimidating. Aku dh buat jadual belajar, tapi aku rasa mcm jadual ni tk membantu. Aku tak tahu dah nk buat apa lagi ni. Aku tk pasti nak kena study mcm mana.  Risau jugak kalau dlm dewan nanti aku telan air liur garu kepala je masa nk jwb. Tapi berdasarkan pengalaman study week aku yg dh berapa hari berjalan ni, pointer mcm makin drop je. Gila. Serious doh, apa aku nak buat ni? Nak study mana satu dulu? Aku tak tahu kenapa aku mcm tk tahu nk buat apa ni. Hari...