End of Semester 1 in KMS

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم  Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad, his companions and family :) --------------------------------------
Semester break has started for 5 days, oh how time flies and I still have 2 weeks to stroll around the city with my buddies, spend hours to read books, sleep and browsing the cloud (internet). That's just how typical my semester break in matriculation has been planned. Sigh. Not much fun is it? Yeah, matriculation life has made everything seems mundane. NOT. Ofcourse I have planned ahead of my activities. Well, other than wasting time -___-"
Err, that's not my point. Actually, I have been waiting for this moment for months. Like so seriously. A moment when I get to blog about my journey for 5 months in this first semester -to summarize everything into words. It's like compiling my pains, sweats and tears into this post. God, I was so carefree before I entered KMS and those early days when I was trying to settle in with the super fast system in matriculation were absurd! Yes! Absurd!
In matriculation, be it one-year or two-year programme, our challenge is we will be exposed to new advanced things in vast amount of it and we have to adapt with it super fast because the system won't wait for us to catch up. It is more absurd when you're in one-year programme. Can you imagine 15 chapters of Physics to be well adapted in your brain before final exam?! And yes, the physics aren't the simple one. I once had a one-full page of a foolscap paper of workings to get the bloody 3-figure of answer with a bloody unit (no unit, no mark for your answer, so cliche...). But man, to my surprise, I do love Physics in matriculation. Bimbo..
Basically the tough part of matriculation is time and the tough core subjects.  Other than that? It gets simpler by time as I settled in.
There were days that I was feeling all gloomy and then grumpy. My spirit shattered as I walked to classes reluctantly. Seeing those tasks, my mood went haywire. I went unmotivated. Those days suck, I swear. Those days were the days I walked to my room all alone, feeling like quitting. It sucks, I know. The fact that I have to get really good pointer to get into universities is just so daunting. It's not easy to get 3.6 and above if you're in science stream. Ah come on, don't boast, everyone knows this. The journey to that kind of pointer is what not all people can endure.

I woke up soooo early almost everyday (4am), trying to finish up my tasks and revise a bit. I have night classes. My day classes started at 8am and some days ended at 4pm. It is normal to all. But trust me, you won't understand this situation if you aren't in my shoes. Thank God I can go back home every weekend as the college is just one-hour away from house.
Oh yes, I am whining here. Those 5 months and 15 months left in future are just something that  I will bare in mind for He knows why -____-"

A lot to study in such short period of time is one heck of a tough task. I somehow went to classes looking like a zombie. You know, eyebags and all. Norm, yeah I know.. Also the time when a lecturer noticed that my spirit was descending low and her advice just touched the heck of my heart that I cried in front of her. Oh, her eyes were teary.. I can not forget those days.. Tough ones. I am not among those intelligent students and I know something is wrong somewhere. I took time to realize but I somehow think that it was all too late. I always feel like the effort I made isnt enough to secure me a good pointer. Sigh, bummer..  I rely upon Him.
If I were to give up this journey, I'll have no where to go. I have to bear this. 3 more semesters and each time I have to go back to KMS, my heart sank. But you know, Allah sent me an 'angel' who is always there for me, protecting me, supporting me etc.. Yup, exactly. It's him, my baby zauji. He was there accompanying me as I was crying, as I was doing my homeworks, as I was waiting, as I was honored with compliments, most of the time, he was there. Allah sent him to me, a companion to keep this spirit going. I too, am afraid if I let him down because he sacrificed so much to make sure that I don't commit suicide HAHAHAHA :p He even sent balloons for our third monthsary. He always made my depressed days in matriculation seemed more better than I thought it'll be. 
He also bought me flight ticket to Penang just few weeks before my mid-sem exam starts (somewhere in July) just to make sure that I don't get stressed as exam was approaching. Oh dear, so much he has done for me, may Allah bless my zauji :') 
A lot of people has been sacrificing for me. Mostly, my parents and zauji. Zauji took care of me like his own wife, seriously. This guy, indeed, is really committed with his duties. Despite his busy life, he would always make time to listen to me etc. Same goes to my parents whose sacrifices are just beyond amazing. Oh God, I need help here.. Yes, I was feeling intimidated if let say I flunked in exam. Bummer.. May His mercy be with me -___-"
To be honest, I hate going to classes. 5 months in KMS, the days I enjoyed most were in weekends, study weeks and exam weeks. No classes, no pressure. Yeah, I'm weird. I feel so much freedom to do what I wanna do. I can study up to 6 hours whenever I want without being restricted with the schedule. Oh did I say I was proud that I managed to study during exam week? HAHA. 
*pat my shoulder*
When semester 1 ended, I felt like breathing again (hahahaha so hyperbola). For God's sake, I struggled -___-" few times I cried in the shower after one whole tiring day. Only God knows when I cried in shower it means I was dealing with an immense pressure. Those crying-in-shower days were days I will remember most as those days are days I had to hold my guard and tears and just have to wait for classes to end, head to my room, grab my towel and toiletries, pick my favourite shower and cry. Pathetic much? Oh I beg God to drag you to be in my shoes -___-" be me then you'll know, heh..
I still remembered how I cried while I was doing my works on my desk. I was doing calculation and tears ran down my cheek but I just had to keep calculate the bloody answer. I was so stressed but I just had to keep moving, do my works because it's my duty. I wiped my tears and try not to let anyone hear me crying. I had flu, I said.. I was crying because I felt I am so slow to understand what I learnt in classes. I tried so hard but still not working. I just kept trying.. also, crying. All that because I was intimidated if I flunk in exams and disappoint my parents and zauji. They are the people who put so much hope in me, trust me so much. 
Yeah, I am such a crybaby. No I am not ashamed to admit that. Admitting that doesn't make me weaker nor will it kill me or anyone. I cried when I get stressed. Normal typical girl. I thanked Him for those tears, it shows that I still can feel, rather normally.
My social life in KMS has been getting better by time. I am still trying to improve my communication skill. No, I can not be the same grumpy garang nesa.. They already started to notice that I am garang and grumpy hahaha. I must stay cute and cute! :p I know I have to make good friends with everyone I meet in KMS. No, I don't want to have special friendship anymore. That kind of friendship will had me attached to it so much that when our programmes in matriculation ended, I sobbed (just like when school ended last year) -___-" I just wanna stay moderate, don't wanna be anyone's closed friend. I have a bunch of those bimbos during secondary school, they are just so dear. I know time moves forward and people change. Well it's okay if those bimbos change, my prayers and memories will be with them. Oh my wedding cards also will reach their doors HAHA. (Sighhh.. I do talk nonsense sometimes..)
Wherever Allah is sending me, I will always meet up with new people. I will change by time. They too, will change. It's either wiser or dumber. Nicer or else. I do not know how much I will fall for the people I will meet up in the future, but I sure do wanna appreciate what I have now. All pains will worth it. Let me walk this journey patiently. 
I am 18, can't wait to see what 6 years by now has to offer me :) Well, one thing at a time and just enjoy this journey. Plan well, act wiser. May Allah bless everyone.  --------------------------------------------------------------------
So yeah, here are some pics of randomness :p

Being a stingy girl, I used my eraser till it became so tiny like this
and still refused to buy a new one HAHA

Nice sky.

My daily scenery, going to the next class. Boring.

My roommate is being cute. I came back from classes with this note on my desk.

Was about to rain.

Mengantuk! Sama! Me too!

Spot mine. Ofcourse la the smallest weh :p

Oh look, during early days in KMS, I wrote this. Yay, it's finally mine :p

This was during the last week of classes before study week. Blissful week, indeed. With such weather. Fuhhhh..

Niceeee.

Daily dose.

My favourite part of mathematics -logarithms.

Zauji ajar makan ni.

Early in the morning.

Favourite evahhhhhhhhh!

Morning maths tutorial class, I was so bored -___-"

My desk is so colorful HAHA

They are still asleep, I was bored. 

I love this kinda ambience. It was so peaceful and quiet, everyone was still asleep.

Chemistry.

hehe jimat.

Spot mine.

Favoriteeeeeeee.

Just a day before our final paper. Physics.

Chapter 4 DF015, Forces. 

Haywire dh masa ni HAHAHA

Heading to the exam hall.

I don't know how the next 3 semesters will be like but I just hope I'll be doing better. All I wish to settle in here fast, get out from this place with a smile of satisfaction not tears of longing HAHA. May everything be better :)