I turned 20!

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Thankful and the mini celebration I had was so much fun. Alhamdulillah! I dont get to blog about my brthday celeb straight away after June 23rd because I had to sew all those manik and send them off to the boutique. Got my payment today and ya Allah lega nak mampss okays... habis dah menjahit.

Well, lets rave about June 23rd.

Had breakfast at La Bodega.
Went to Lorong 7.
Had fun wall climbing at Camp 5.
First time aku pergi karaoke (serius beb ni cite betul).

Every year, the celebration would be different. The people who were there with me throughout the whole celebration would be different. The surprises, the cake, the wishes, the excitement at 12am, all felt differently every year. 

I lost a lot of people this year that only by an apology (perhaps) will I get back what was once belong to me. So, this year celebration wasn't perfect but.. it was complete. I had a best friend who stayed by my side throughout the whole day which made me shed tears each time I think of it. I felt so special having someone who was willing and able to be with me, exist in front of me. Her presence made everything even better. Syukur alhamdulillah.

At the age of 20, as of on June 23rd, I learnt that I will never get everything exactly the way I wanted. I wanted everyone to be there under one roof for my birthday, nope I didnt get it. I want to be alone on my birthday, I didnt get it either. I want to meet certain people who are far from my sight, yup.. true.. didnt get this one too. But, I learnt to coax myself that at the end of the day, nothing will ever turn out the way you expect it to be and nothing you do would ever make it happen.

Why? not bcz I gave up believing.. but Allah has better plans that I need to start believing. Yes, at this age of 20. Believe that for every lost, will be replaced with something else. With every hardship comes ease. With every fate lies wisdom behind it. 

I wasnt happy at the beginning bcz I wanted to stay at home, doing nothing, no cake or anything but someone so degil planned the mini celebration for me. Hehe. So, when I was going through the seconds that I turned 20, I realized that happiness doesnt come from getting everything that you wanted, but it comes from grasping to whatever you have at that time and slowly making yourself feel contented with it. 

How did I let go of the sadness? I keep saying to myself that ini je yg Allah beri utk aku hari ini. Ini je yg Allah rasa aku layak utk terima. Mungkin aku rasa kalau aku dpt itu ini dan segalanya, aku bahagia, tapi Allah tahu apa itu bahagia utk hati aku. I set my focus only for those who were there and forget everything else. Well, someone wants to see me happy, you know :)

Selamat menjadi tua, nisa. Semoga bertambahnya umur ini menjadikan toleransi mu kpd dunia dan segala isinya lebih mantap. Semoga hati ini lebih suka memaafkan drpd berdendam. Semoga kehadiran diri ini menyenangkan hati yg lain. Semoga bertambah baiknya diri ini dlm menjadi lebih teliti dlm pekerjaan dan cita-cita. Semoga diri ini menjadi muslimah yg produktif. Semoga aurat ini dipelihara sebaiknya. Semoga hati ini redha akan rezeki dan jodoh yg dh ditulis. Semoga engkau jd pemaaf dan berlapang dada walaupun hati penuh lara, nisa.

Allah tidak akan menurunkan kilat petir serta banjir buat hambanya dlm jangka masa yg terlalu panjang. Allah akan mencucuri rahmatnya suatu hari nanti. Semoga Allah mendidik aku menjadi yg berlapang dada, solehah, gembira dan rajin. Semoga muka awet muda. Semoga dapat jodoh yg.... (ok ini kena lain post).

SubhanaAllah, terima kasih Allah.
Jika aku mati suatu hari nanti, mati kan aku dlm keadaan suci dan berlapang dada, ampuni aku dan tempatkan hambaMu ini di syurgaMu.
Jika aku dikurniakan rezeki nanti, ingatkan aku bahawa tiap rezeki itu bukan seluruhnya milik aku, bahagi kan, harus aku sedekah kan, jgn kedekut.
Jika aku kehilangan org yg aku cintai, biarkan aku berlapang dada dan teruskan hidup.
Jika aku dipertemukan dgn jodoh, ....(lain post pls)


Life goes on and I need to continue my journey. Thank you everyone for the wishes, prayers and everything. May Allah bless your hearts, you and your family.

Have a nice day!
Love, Nisa.
(belated birthday girl)


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