Hati Yang Gusar LOL

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

POST AGAK PANJANG. TAK BOLEH NAK PENDEK KAN.

Semalam sebelum tidur, dalam kegelapan bilik tidur aku tu, banyak nau aku berfikir. Lepastu aku sedar yg aku tak leh tidur, tengok jam rupanya dah nk pukul 2am. Gila. Apa ntah aku duk fikir berangan daripada pkl 12am (attempt nak tidur). We all have this kind of problem kan?

Jujurnya, these few days aku serba gusar, serba tak kena. Itu ini tak kena, hati tak senang. Few things bother my mind lately ni. Antaranya : (wah, gitu kau)

1.      Degree.

2.      Job.

3.      Bilik bila nak siap kemas.

4.      Kalau dpt job, sempat ke nak siapkan #projekrayanesa

5.      Bicara hati seorang wanita (gelak lah pls)

Izinkan aku kupas issues ni satu2. Behold my exaggeration.

1.      Degree.

Why does this bother me? Sbb semenjak aku masuk matriks, aku sedar akan kepentingan education dan masa kurniaan Allah ni. Betapa education tu lah yg akan bantu aku mencari sesuap nasi nak sara diri. Aku sedar betapa ketinggalannya anak-anak melayu islam dari segi education, jadi aku rasa mcm what the heck tak kan lepak senang lenang je. Later dah tua, org lain have stacks of money, education and hidup tenang berlandaskan agama islam, aku ada apa?

Someday I need to do what I want to do in life and have sturdy reasons behind it. Hati ni risau kalau dapat course lelong (nauzubillah, mintak Allah jauhkan). Aku berharap sgt aku dapat either Law, Professional English, Optometry or Medical Lab Tech. Why? Sbb dkt dgn rumah hahahaha. Jujur, aku takda masalah kalau dapat jauh, but you gotta understand yg aku taknak face 4 tahun dgn masalah yg sama mcm dkt Banting. (alasan budak tadika)

Empat jurusan tu kena dgn jiwa aku (aku tahu aku boleh carry), the rest of courses yg aku mohon byk related dgn subject akaun (I did my homework ok), so aku taknak ulang sejarah gelap time sekolah ^.^

Doalah aku dapat antara 4 courses tu dan berdoalah Mak Ayah baik hati nak sedekah The Legendary Kenari dekat aku, senang nak bergerak. (aku tak sanggup face masalah transport ni lagi -.-)

2.      Job.

I need a job to earn money. Why? As for now, aku tak rasa ada proper attire utk pergi kelas selain baju kurung stok zaman matriks dulu (yg aku obviously dh simpan dlm kotak). I need money to shop a little. Yes, boleh mintak Ayah also, but weh nisa kau dah 20 semua benda nk mintak je, tangan kaki Allah bagi tu utk apa? Buat tayang? Biar sikit Ayah cover, sikit aku cover la. Semua nk bantai duit Ayah, bankrupt la (nauzubillah, mintak Allah jauh kan).

Oh, perlu duit utk iPhone dan laptop juga.

3.      Bilik bila nak siap kemas.

Aku tk pasti berapa lama aku abandon bilik ni but I rarely did this since school ended. I think it’s between semester 3 to final semester kot bilik start diabaikan. If I could post pics of my current room, you guys would be like, what the heck itu bilik ke hutan………..

So, aku dh bahagikan mana yg donate, throw away, keep. Tinggal nak kutip lil stuffs on the floor, buang sampah, sapu, lap habuk, mop pakai antibacterial liquid tu. Well, itu je kot. Tapi penat baq ang. Aku rasa baju2 aku 50% aku donate, well that’s better than simpan tak pakai.

I created a new rules which is I cant keep so much baju, bila tahap baju mcm dh byk, kena start sort out utk donation. Beli baru means buang yg lama. Thank God I don’t have any issue of letting go.

4.      Kalau dpt job, sempat ke #projekrayanesa

The project is to sew my own baju raya actually. From my experience, aku lebih prefer one thing at a time. Multi-tasking is a disaster (but is applicable for certain situations). Since raya nak dekat, kena la jahit cepat. Kalau dpt jon pun tk blh lama, degree start at Sept. Problem is, masa. Ada ke org nak amek kerja sebulan? And if ada, sempat ke nak jahit baju pulak? Hmphh!

5.      Bicara hati seorang wanita.

“I have a cup that is needed to be filled with something more significant than the thing I once thought was significant enough for me. For quite a few of times, I ponder upon what I have in that cup and think of what to fill more. Will filling more makes it better? The cup was my solace. Perhaps, I hold it tight that it tends to break and hurt my fragile skin. The cup was full, but too full with things that aren’t supposed to be filled. I thought those in the cup are proper things. Proper things that I cant quite let go for now. Proper things that keep me going. Proper things that are vague. Proper things that are just mere myths. Proper things that give me hope. Proper things, they say. The cup was a cup of hope and hope seemed to be the word that keep me going. The cup, however, needs something better –God”

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Kadang2 aku nak tulis byk dgn harapan orang dpt grasp apa yg aku tulis, take some lessons from it, tapi the length is always the problem. I too, don’t get engrossed from reading long sappy post. Terima kasih buat yg masih setia membaca apa aku tulis dlm semua blogsssss yg aku pernah ada (I changed my url more than 10 times). You make me happy, silent readers. (emo pahal kau nisa? hahahaha)

Jazzakallahu khayran.

Love, Nisa.