Teater, is it really my thing?

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم 

Pertama, let me rant.

POST NI PANJANG. SILA EXIT KALAU TAK BERKENAN.

Semester ni, aku join teater lagi. Last semester aku join teater secara random. No background, nothing. I came with zero knowledge and experience as pelakon. It was smooth. The role was of a tomboy girl who secretly loves her best friend. Karakter tu senang utk aku grab bcz being Shah Hamdan and Anisah Ishak, there's no big difference. Aku bukan yang lemah lembut serba ayu dan sopan. But the hardest part was to cry.

Well, my result flunked last semester and I decided not to join teater for this semester but my enthusiasm keeps telling me to go for it and screw me, I got a role which is just so freaking hard to grab.

Karakter seorang gadis manja serba lembut, gedik, classy yang nak kahwin dgn boyfriend tapi mummy tak setuju sbb mummy tak sebulu dgn bapak boyfriend. I had to be gedik, manja, lembut at the same time. Damn. What a task.

"menjadi pelakon yang baik, kita kena buat apa yang diberi, bukan dapat apa yang kita nak" petikan dari Sir Am yang memberi maksud aku kena improvise keluarkan Anisah Ishak sekejap dan jadi Maziah aka Mazzy. Move on drpd Shah Hamdan.

Tak payah kira lah berapa kali aku menangis masa training. Sebab :
- i feel stupid with this role
- it is not my norm to gedik around
- i cant stay pretty and gedik and classy at the same time because 
i'll ended up being cute and childish kinda lembut. lol cute sgt
- or i'll ended up being kayu
- aku rasa mcm kekok gila nak tergedik-gedik
- aku ada masalah nak sync pergerakan dgn music, otak aku mmg dysfunction 
- aku rasa aku dh gedik, tapi Sir disagree
- pergerakan aku tak besar, kaku
- sometimes aku rasa lebih pressure bila partner aku is doing okay and im not


SALAHKAH AKU dalam kenangan. Aku kena move on before Isnin depan.


They might see like I havent given my full energy for this role, I somehow have to agree and disagree. Kadang ada masa tu aku rasa what the hell lepasni step apa siakkk, bantai ah.. hahahaha. Melihat contoh yang pelakon hebat lain telah beri, aku kena byk bunga-bunga lakonan. Bukan sekadar pergerakan kaki berjalan. Menari a bit. Ah fish. Not my thing anymore (I used to menari zapin dkt aspuri and people dont know unless they read this). Skills went rot. 

Aku sedih dgn diri sendiri. Otak aku mmg jem. Scene menari tu aku rasa mcm fuxked up sgt. Aku rasa mcm can we do something else. Plus, aku kena kuatkan suara. Kepala hotak ah. Aku ni dah lah kena bercinta, ckp lemah lembut, lepastu nak kena kuat suaranya. Gosh. Auditorium tu besar okay.

Aku stress lah jugak dgn watak ni. Yeah, senang cakap kalau tak merasa tapi tu lah, semua orang pernah rasa benda paksarela ni and ada yg succeeded. So, ini mmg fuxking cabaran utk aku. First, stay gedik and pretty. Second, suara kasi kuat.

Ini bukan main-main tau tak. Isnin and Selasa depan dah full rehearsal dekat audi. Berserta make up and costume. Show hari Rabu dan Khamis. Itu pun satu masalah. Aku kena fikir costume apa yang warna cerah and glamorous. Now, who said being pelakon is fun and glam. It's not. Trust me. It's full with hard work and people's judgemental remarks plus your tiny effort.

Aku kena wake up and pegi mampus lah apa nak jadi, gedik je lah. Tak, sebenarnya semua perempuan ada gedik side dia tau. Aku ada je masa yg gedik mcm apa je hahahaha. Cuma gedik tu taknak keluar in this role sbb aku kena bercinta. Lol. Aku percaya aku ada ke-gedik-an tu, cuma kena hati kental ah, gedik je lah.

Oh semester ni mmg aku tak publicly declare yang aku join teater like SALAHKAH AKU. Aku rasa tak perlu kot. Parents aku pun tak tau. Kawan-kawan Shah Alam pun tak tau unless few yang aku tak leh elak. Aku nak space. Teater kali ni utk aku. Teater lepas utk semua yg support.

Pelik en. But yeah, I need my space in this case. Probably aku taknak set expectation dlm kepala org lain, so I keep mum. Probably sbb aku nak improvise diri, bukan persembahkan what I got. Ini kali, teater utk aku dan kelemahan diri aku. It sucks, so badly. But, I have to do it sampai habis,

Aku tak boleh hampa kan crew walaupun aku rasa fuxked up dgn watak ni hahahaha. Work is work doh. This is what a good actress has to go through. Aku kena paksa diri kalau tak kesian partner aku, put effort sorang-sorang je. He's so rajin and tak give up. Aku yang pressure. hahaha.


Aku harap watak aku menjadi. Please nisa please, dont cry. You can do this! 


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Thank you for reading!
Have a nice day! ♥ 

Comments

Anonymous said…
I know you can do this. Its your thing. You just need to be more confident. Try to do some research. It may help. Goodluck you. I wish you all the best. Everything gonna be just fine. Trust me. *wink wink
Nesayang said…
thank you, anonymous. Allah bless you :')

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