5 ex boyfriends in 10 years.
quite a long post tho
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When I was with my Johor ex boyfriend, we...oh god, i forgot what happened la siaa hahaha! Only lasted few months je kot.
When I was with my wall-climber ex boyfriend, our official declaration only lasted for 2 weeks. We still try to keep it going but we broke up anyway.
When I was with my afro-haired ex boyfriend, we lasted for 3 months.
When I was with my forensic-officer-to-be ex boyfriend, we lasted 4-5 months. I forgot already.
Then, someone catfished me for two years which made me "had a boyfriend" for that period of time, which no, that's not a real relationship. The catfish-er was a girl btw. Nope, she isnt ex boyfriend apparently. Wrong category. Yeap, I checked that. Im straight btw. Hahaha!
When I was with my theater-partner ex boyfriend, we lasted 2 months cz we broke up on 14th Feb 2015. Yeap, valentine's day.
So yeah, those were the relationships I had since 2007. Wow, since 10 years ago!
If someone ask me "apa benda kau paling regret dalam hidup?", I'd say
"being in a relationship too early before I could actually get a picture of how I should sort my life properly."
Hahahaha!
I decided to stay single during my bachelor degree days but mehh terjatuh cinta pulak with my theater partner, then I had to put that relationship to an end because I just couldnt do it, especially after being catfished. I was all about me myself only, I guess that's how it feels like when God sealed your heart from opening up.
Being single is indeed the best blessing ever. Of course it is a bit lonely but it saves you from all the heartbreak and time wasted, also the sins.
Im a believer that kalau jodoh, Tuhan akan gerak kan kedua-dua hati, not just mine or his only. But us. I sealed mine until God knows when.
At this time being, getting my bachelor degree done is the only thing that can trigger me to start seeing someone seriously. Like commit a real relationship whereby I admit to him that I love him with all my heart, but I dont think I'd settle for this kind of typical relationship also hahaha!
Beria-ria lah kau i love you bagai, lepastu break. Oh please, been there, done that.
I think, the next time if God unseal my heart, Im just gonna work towards marriage. I wasted too much time for pointless relationship, carried too much sins also.
Aku pun tk faham why do we waste time for this hahaha. Tuhan dah forbid, still wanna do it. Kan byk nk kena tanggung. SMH (this means shake my head, if u dunno).
Kadang aku rasa cm, why so stupid eh nesa? If you cant afford to kahwin yet, dont date anyone lah. Easy. God forbid already what. God wanna protect you, but you dont wanna protect yrself ah? Haiyaaa.
I still think about this tho.
Tuhan dah kata laa takrabun zina. Jangan mendekati zina. He said this to protect us from hellfire bla bla bla you know it, He also said this to protect us from pointless relationship that break our heart. I mean like yeah sure marriage can be a failure too, but if you were to understand the religion like how God wants, will marriage still be a failure?
I dont think so.
So for the past 10 years, I had 5 legit real boyfriends (1 never existed hahaha).
SMH. How am I gonna explain to my husband if he jokingly asked about my previous relationship hahaha. Im just gonna say " Sayang, you dont wanna know it, really. Im so bad with relationship"
I think, these days if you have 5 ex boyfriends for the last 10 years is totally normal. Okay those are ex boyfriends. Belum kira scandals and crush(s) lagi. Hew hew badass.
That's why I needed the break. I needed this --staying single. Because my life for the past 10 years was never lonely from boys. SMH. Flirting around was fun tho, but you will feel empty inside because you know it's not real and they are not gonna stay or commit to you long term. So I quit all these and just be solo.
Even if I have one person in my mind right now that I really wanna settle down with, I never really knew whether our fate will intertwined or we're just gonna passed by each other's life.
Bercinta bertahun lama, I dont see the necessity of this after 5 ex boyfriends I had since the last 10 years.
Ukur baju di bahu sendiri, wahai diri. Belum mampu berumahtangga, jgn mula mendekati. Berkat, blessings and rahmat is what keeps a relationship (married) going smoothly. You can never do everything on your own. I learned it that way.
I think if I were to say no to all those relationships, I'd be someone more happier and healthier mentally now. I'd see things differently. I'd be having all my firsts with one that God chose for me. But things went differenly and that's okay. This is also a way God wants me to learn.
There's no His blessings when your beginning is done wrongly.
Point is, should I continue or stop?
God knows better.
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