BOLD & SEPET

Pantas eh 10 tahun rupanya.. Aku decide starting 2018 ni aku nak tukar daripada blogpost kepada Tumblr, sebab apps Tumblr lagi user friendly, hence senang aku nak update di mana-mana. Apps blogger agak lousy. I forgot that I actually created and posted things on Tumblr account since 2015 rupanya haha. See you guys on Tumblr ok! http://boldandsepet.tumblr.com/ I wont be blogging here anymore, I guess. Ah sedih pulak rasa........ Aku bukan penulis yg proper because whatever is in this blog is directly (very raw) from my brain, no filtering needed. But I enjoyed 10 years of blogging. Years of freedom (especially when malaysian are very lazy to read, I get more privacy). Thank you for the 10 years of support my loyal (maybe non existent) readers. I love you all of you. It's time to say good bye...cant believe Im doing this.... I bid farewell to blogspot. Good bye blogging life :( ------------------------- 10 tahun di Shah Alam pun menyeronokkan. Ofcourse ada pahit getir...

Harini SV tmpt intern aku pass offer letter dekat Whatsapp utk aku semak dulu. Pada aku sebagai fresh grad (ye aku masih lg fresh grad lol haha), gaji tu decent enough. Takda la banyak gila tapi boleh lah buat menabung. InsyaAllah. Harapan aku cuma : 1. aku belajar benda baru 2. takda masalah gaji tk bayar lah whatever 3. ada training (entah la eh, startup ada training ke..) 4. aku belajar manage diri, ego and anger dan aku harap aku mengamalkan work-life separation instead of work-life balance. These days we forgot to separate work and life. Thanks lah Dr Amalina 17A tu yg pernah sebut pasal ni. Berguna nasihat dia ni lagi 10 tahun bila dah ada anak nanti. Balance and separation ada beza, kasi tahu boss kau. Hahaha! I'll be my own boss in 5 years time. My own studio, my own current account. IinsyaAllah. Sekarang ni, charger battery camera aku manaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa? erghhh. 

Last week was my last class with Laoshi Azeezeen. Yes! I took intensive mandarin class for 6 days. Paid RM250 for it. It was soooo much fun! Aku aim by the end of 2018, aku dah boleh cakap mandarin sikit2 and converse dgn chinese people or at least understand wtf they talk about. I do have some vocabs in my brain tapi since class dah habis aku rasa mcm semakin lupa dah haha. Imagine Nesa looking like chinese and able to speak mandarin? Nice ennn. I took this class because previously I worked in a chinese company and it's annoying not being able to understand what they discuss about. Plus, nanti kalau ada rezeki aku kahwin and ada anak, aku rasa penting untuk aku letak KPI dkt anak2 aku at least dorang kena tahu 4 bahasa hahahaha. Malay English Mandarin One language of their choice. Tapi tu lah, aku ni kena work hard dulu lah. Kelas laoshi haritu tak sempat nak belajar menulis. So aku kena push sikit diri ni utk belajar mandarin ni EVERYDAY sebenarnya. Susah beb. T...

Im actually given the chance to freelance with my internship company right now. Been editing video for them, alhamdulillah Im thankful for this freelance job they offer. Came to the office twice a week. Didnt earn million ringgit from it, but it's decent enough to pay for my mandarin class hehe. Happy! Alhamdulillahhhhh! God bless my superior who offered me! and really thankful because last week (kot. tak ingat dah), my superior at my internship office (in KL) called me and said there is opening for me as digital marketing executive. But the word marketing itself frightens me, you know. Idk if I should try or I should seek other job. Even if I try, 5 years forward, how will my career development be? I actually dont have the "jiwa" for marketing because I always imagine that I need to bring lots of customers in for the company and Im so afraid I cant do that, people are not interested in me and I dont have extravagant ideas :( Aku mmg tak gemar marketing dari zaman ...

So.... I resigned 1 December haritu. Emosi jugak sesi terakhir aku tu. Tapi fuck it, Im going to resign anyway. Idk what are other things that this company will make me do. I talked to other staff they said the same thing happen. So aku tak boleh nak percaya janji manis dari superior. Janji taknak bg aku involve dlm those things lah.. Nak bagi aku job position baru lah.. Nak atur job scope baru lah.. Kepala hotak. Save it, I dont want those janji manis lol. Im not a kid who they can fool around ok. Walaupun sebenarnya aku dihimpit rasa risau sangat kalau tak dapat kerja yg kena dgn jiwa. Aku rasa bidang sales & marketing mmg akan ada buat kerja tak beretika (eg : tipu customer etc). Tak lah semua bidang or company, but tendency tu ada. Actually semua kerja pun is vulnerable to unethical conduct, tapi kalau benda tu dh jd norm dlm industry or company, sorry lah, I'd rather be jobless. Sejujurnya, the thought of being jobless is really not healthy for my brain. Apatah...

Last post haritu aku cerita pasal company aku suruh tipu masa odit. Ala setakat tipu survey customers je dorang kata. Kepala hotak. Dah la utk odit (read : audit). Guess what? Beberapa hari lepas, aku terpaksa tipu customer psl ingredients dlm product. Dlm formulation sbnrnya takda pun benda nya, tp ingredient list bg dkt customer tu acah2 ada. Aku rasa tak sedap hati betul. Mcm ni ke kerja aku kalau aku nak stay... Most people kata dkt aku "alaa biasa la tu, takda apa sgt lah". Dua org je beb member aku yg suggest aku quit. fucking two beb. Hahaha. Tu lah masalah nya kalau aku je yg nampak, aku sorang je lah yg rasa tk sedap hati and tak happy. Sbb yg lain dah biasa. Yang lain rasa benda tu normal. Kau nak claim benda yg takda pun dlm products. tipu lah tu namanya. Kalau benda tu tkda, tp replace dgn barang yg sama function and claim barang ni dkt customer and explain dkt customer, jujur dgn dorang, baru la betul. Bukan dia letak mercury ke racun ke pape. ...

Kejap je masa berlalu. Esok genap dua bulan aku sabar kerja dkt company ni. 1. asal meeting je mmg bercelaru sbb semua superiors nak bersuara at the same time. siapa nak dgr pun aku tak sure. ye dorang bukan melayu. so kau byg la riuh sgt time meeting. 2. gaji masuk bukan main lembap lg 6 hrbulan ye. 3. member aku gaji short 400+, aku baik hati taknak kira gaji aku. aku halal kan. kau tgk next month, mmg aku kira setiap sen. 4. haritu housekeeping office aku, selamba eh boss besar ckp yg bersepah tu brg company. abah dia. brg company yg tk function buat apa simpan dlm office? pinggan mangkuk zaman tok nenek duk simpan lg. oh wait, wtf ada pinggan mangkuk dlm office hahaha idk lah. 5. eh boleh pulak aku ni kena menipu sikit masa odit. ya Allah turn off betul. ke laut berkat aku kerja. kau rasa kalau aku ckp psl berkat dgn dorg, dorg mkn saman ke? silap hari bulan, aku kena maki balik. bunyi mcm aku ni spoil brat kan? tapi bukan aku sorang je yg rasa serabut. most people aku ta...

Ketahui lah adik2, bahawa 9am-5pm or 8am-4pm or 10am- 6pm corporate working hours memerlukan disiplin dan daya tahan yang sangat tinggi. Mine is 8.30am - 6pm, monday-friday. Ketahanan bekerja dlm jam waktu begini boleh nego jika : - rumah dgn office dekat je - boss kau tak banyak membebel, kacau kau buat kerja - kawan2 yg ceria dan membantu - superior yg byk bg tunjuk ajar rather than expect kau tahu semua benda dah Setelah sebulan aku kerja, aku tak rasa fun sangat pun kerja sini. The things yg best adalah : - setiap pagi director beli kan breakfast - manager yg aku report to byk membantu, masa dia pegi holiday haritu, tertekan jugak aku haha - rumah sewa aku selesa walaupun i wish i could sleep atas katil rather than tilam. ye la penat balik kerja. tapi sbb skrg tilam aku nipis sgt. tggu gaji nnti beli tilam best sikit, baru syok berguling lps balik kerja. kalau tilam aku tu bawah carpet ok lagi la, tk sakit bdn, cuma kacau org nk lalu. but overall pd aku bilik ni sel...

Aku rasa mcm sakai sangat baru dua minggu kerja tp nak blogging bagai, but whatever la eh :p So, selama raya haji haritu aku dekat Johor, jadi pengapit Nurul (cousin) and they all just knew aku dah start kerja. Some were shocked, awalnya habis belajar. Ye cik, degree saya 3 tahun je. Umur dah 23 dah pun. Most my uncles & aunties cant believe that I will be stucked with this current job (Im a Sales & Marketing Coordinator at a product manufacturing company in Gombak) bcz they know my personality, they know I can do more than just the 8.30-6pm (my company's working hour sucks) routine. Some of them said I better be my own boss. Start a small business, do freelance job. Yeah, I do have that in mind, considering that I do not want my bachelor degree to go to waste. Starting a business of your own isn't easy ok! You need to have skills that have commercial values, benda yg boleh di jual. I know Im not gonna be employed forever, but I just dont know until when Im g...

Harini adalah hari pertama aku mula kerja sebagai Sales & Marketing Coordinator. Basically kerja aku ni memastikan aktiviti sales dan marketing bergerak dan dlm keadaan lancar, tanpa delay. Aku memastikan customer sentiasa dpt update tentang purchase dorang. Well, I worked in a manufacturing company, specialize in xxx, private and confidential kononnya. lol. Not a fancy company like Big Four or Petronas but the salary is acceptable lah. Quite a dodgy place tho hahaha. Terkejut jugak aku masa mula2 masuk dalam. For now ulang alik Shah Alam-Sri Gombak everyday until September. What a new experience! Belajar berdikari. Walaupun harini aku rasa mcm this freaking company is reckless, ada ke patut aku terkunci dlm office yg guna pintu yg pakai passcode tu...dorang boleh keluar meeting, tanpa teringat aku...wth... Very tak prepare utk sambut new comer. Very bad HR. But semua ni masih terlalu awal utk di muktamadkan. Probation 6 bulan. Kita tengok 6 bulan mcm mana. Dia bayar g...

Pada aku cantik numbering tahun ni. 23 on 23rd. Sekali je seumur hidup. Aku tak tau nak blog apa. Dah jarang sangat blog. Selalu duk layan termenung je sampai tak terblog dah. Sampai lupa aku ada blog rupanya and once active here, long time ago lah... haha! Anyway, aku rasa umur 23 tu mmg betul2 raw nak masuk adulthood. Dgn degree yg nak bakal habis mid July ni, aku akan masuk alam pekerjaan dan struggle menjadi hamba sistem. Gitu. Hello kerja pun belum tentu dapat terus. Semoga rezeki aku tak putus lepasni. Last year, turning 22 taught me : 1. to always double check stuffs. 2. to never trust that someone is reliable enough to handle things for you hahahaha 3. remember that things are constantly changing, so dont get fixated so easily 4. believe in the power of doa and staying true to yr effort 5. give a few seconds for yrself to pause then react to a problem Being 22 last year was the best. I went to Beijing, Istanbul, Bursa, Mekkah and Madinah all in one year....

I read a post on FB saying that there will always be  one person who will really secretly care about you, then I shared the post and said "thank you if you are still there" Idk to whom did I dedicate that post to. But if there is a person, someone or a bunch of people who care about me silently, not letting me know, I just wanna say thank you so much.. I may not know y'all but Allah is watching your sweet gesture from above. I hope He will bless y'all with abundance of joy and ease in the world and hereafter. Plus, to whoever that still check this blog just to know what am I up to (in a good way lah, duh), may Allah bless y'all too for your concern though not constantly, I cant repay it, but I hope Allah will. I may overlooked these people, but I hope Allah wont.

Just now Ayah told me when I was 3, we visited his friend then I decided that I like a toy of his friend's daughter's. Then I decided that I want it and I clutched to it despite being told to let it go cz it wasnt mine. Then my parents had to dragged me out of the house and apologized to their friend hahahaha but still, I didnt let go of the toy that that Uncle gave it to me eventually and his daughter was looking at me behind the curtain. Hahaha! poor girl.. Today I realized it. Whatever that I decided to be mine is mine. I dont share it and I dont care that I wont share it. Hahahah! I wish I am still THAT resilient towards what I want. Maybe I am, but on matters that dont matter.

Being bising and cheerful is hard. It's hard cz just when you need your me-time to sit at a corner silently and think about stuffs, people thought something is wrong with you and you're not okay. I mean, it is mostly true tho, but sometimes I just dont feel like being cheerful and I wish people know that I myself, freaking know how to get tired of being lively and cheerful, so yeah, I do know how and when to be quiet and stay calm. Haha! But at time when I do have things to think, I just keep mum. I dont say much and I found inner peace by doing so. Nevertheless, it's still hard. I do have things in my mind right now, worrying about future and whatnot, I just hope Allah protect me always from things that He dislike.

Aku amek space sikit utk lari dari Twitter sbb pagi tadi baru aku selesai delete semua tweet dan kosong kan Twitter, utk memberi laluan kpd masa lapang dgn menyiapkan thesis yg masih lagi tak siap2. Mcm yg aku aim dlm calendar gmail, habis intern, settle chapter 4. Tapi tu lah, chapter 4 ni data analysis drpd questionnaire yg aku akan distribute. Masalahnya skrg ni Sir tak reply lg email aku. Nk dkt seminggu dah woi. Bengkel SPSS (sejenis software utk key in data) pulak sabtu depan. Aku nak key in apabenda entah dkt bengkel tu nanti kalau sir tak reply email aku dan approve questionnaire aku. Adoi. Smlm aku tweet "future scares me", ada 6 orang RT. Aku rasa disayangi sbb rupanya ada jugak kawan2 yg fikir benda sama. Nak tidur, nangis. Bangun tidur, nangis. Risau punya pasal. Thesis Viva Habis bachelor degree Kerja (ini paling menakutkan)

Aku masih lagi struggle melawan diri procrastinate dgn thesis writing. Ada 5 chapter nak kena buat. Aku personally rasa chapter paling sakit is chapter 2 (literature review) and chapter 4 (data analysis). Tbh, aku baru siap 80% siap chapter 1. Padahal first meet dgn advisor was March 17 haritu. Patutnya dah siap sampai chapter 3 sekarang ni. Bayangkan berapa banyak aku procrastinate... Minggu ni baru aku nak catch up balik sebab aku aim sebelum 12 May, siap lengkap chapter 1, 2, questionnaire and intro chapter 3. Aku pun tak faham kenapa lah uitm ni satu kan intern dgn thesis. Kenapa lah tak thesis dulu baru intern. Penat jugak sebenarnya. Tapi bila aku fikir, orang lain boleh siap sampai 3 chapters, siap kena reject 2-3 kali, aku nak bagi alasan apa kan? Semoga by isnin ni aku siap chapter 1 & half chapter 2. Tak boleh jadi betul kau ni anisah. Theoretical framework baru jumpa satu je. Masih tak kukuh. Acano ni? Kata nak grad on time? Maka harus lah aku rapatkan d...

My supervisor told me today that my time will come. The time will come when one day I will have my own paycheck and I will start settling stuffs on my own, the bills, the shopping, the credit card and all. All I had in my mind at time was to be able to shop at IKEA as much as she did today for her rented apartment. I love shopping for that kinda stuffs. I imagine having my own apartment and the privilege to decorate it. Soon the time will come and when it arrives, I hope I'll be just fine. I learnt so much today. God bless my supervisor. May the doors of rahmat be opened for her always, ya Rahman.

It felt horrible to start catching a feeling for someone. For me, it has been 7 years since I last felt like this. Like I am attached to somebody who doesnt even know how I feel and I dont ever intend to tell it yet. Catching a feeling is something, detachment is also another thing. Like I suddenly feel horrible if things didnt end up like fairytales --happily ever after or a good bright future. Such detachment is the worst. Like I already own it but no Im not. Im not even grasping it but I could already feel it but it's not there for real. What lah.....blerghhhh... Catching THIS feeling for someone after 7 years sucks so badly. I once had a crush on someone (it's a different 'someone' btw) that I kept it to myself since 2008. I confessed in 2015. From 2008 to 2015, I never allow myself to be attached to this fella cz I know it will hurt me like hell. Im glad I did and it didnt hurt me so much even after I told him what I feel --Im a smart girl and yes he politely ...

quite a long post tho --------------- I never been on any legit real relationship that lasts for more than a year. When I was with my Johor ex boyfriend, we...oh god, i forgot what happened la siaa hahaha! Only lasted few months je kot. When I was with my wall-climber ex boyfriend, our official declaration only lasted for 2 weeks. We still try to keep it going but we broke up anyway. When I was with my afro-haired ex boyfriend, we lasted for 3 months. When I was with my forensic-officer-to-be ex boyfriend, we lasted 4-5 months. I forgot already. Then, someone catfished me for two years which made me "had a boyfriend" for that period of time, which no, that's not a real relationship. The catfish-er was a girl btw. Nope, she isnt ex boyfriend apparently. Wrong category. Yeap, I checked that. Im straight btw. Hahaha! When I was with my theater-partner ex boyfriend, we lasted 2 months cz we broke up on 14th Feb 2015. Yeap, valentine's day. So yeah, those w...

this is quite a long post tho. Hello everyone! This is me after I finished doing my first tawaf ever.  It was 2am-ish i think hehe so baraiiiii after the 5 hours journey from Madinah. Yeap, quit expecting that I'll be doing how-to post. This post will be about how special this trip was for me. All praise be to Allah for this rezeki. I've always wondered how it feels like to be there (the two holy cities, Mekah and Madinah). I used to look at other people's pictures and thought "haih, how lucky these people are". I used to be in that cohort. I wanted to be there so badly but I thought it was nearly impossible until I secured a job first. But I had it in my heart, I really wanna go there. I whispered from the deepest of my heart and He answered me when Ayah sent a message in the group to choose the date. Flabbergasted indeed! I was preparing myself for Beijing at that time. 3 days left before my classmates and I leave Malaysia and with the news fro...